After thought

I hate being an after thought to my husband. We had sex earlier this afternoon and he finished first... I didn't finish at all. No offer to complete the task at all... Here it is 5 to 6 hours later an he would rather be on the damn electronics...What sucks even more is that I'm always the one to start the sex. ALWAYS! and if I don't finish oh well I either gotta beg him to finish me off or do it my self. (Doing it myself does not ease my sexual tension or needs for touch). Talking does no help.

Dealing with DCS

When I was younger around 9 I was placed in the FL DCS foster care system because my mother was lazy and didn't care enough to keep our house clean. I am 28 years old now and it is not something you can easily forget. I have made it my life mission that my children never have to deal with that situation. In the last 2 years DCS has been to my home 3 times. (Including this time). The first time DCS came out to our house my MIL called them and told them I had a vicious animal loose in our home. DCS came out looked around asked us to De-clutter the area where the children are. Sure not a problem fixed the "issue" and they left and closed our case. The second time DCS came out to the house someone told them our children were left unattended. Which was a serious joke because DH and I were both SAHP. We explained the "situation" to the DCS worker, I welcomed her in to my home to look around and once she had a good look around she thanked us for our time and informed…

Hurt and feeling Lost

I am going through a lot right now. My kids are in DCS care. My husband is journaling about wanting a Divorce. I feel depressed all the time. I dont have many friends that I can talk freely with any more.

I love my husband more than any thing in this world besides my kids. I don't want to lose him and I don't know what more I can do to keep us together if he wont talk to me.


My chest is heavy and my heart is broken it hurts to breath and crying wont help
My children are my life and I miss them dearly Knowing it's not forever doesnt help the gaping hole  where my heart should be
Why can't you hold and comfot me  I don't need words just your nearness and a shoulder to cry on hold me close and tell me you love me Hold me tight and let me know you miss them too. 
I am broken inside I am lost inside I dont have enough tears for the aching in my soul
I miss the early wake up  and the Mommy I'm hungry Can I have a drink and a kiss too? 
First hair cut  first day of school, daycare What else will I miss Watching the little pieces of my heart grow up
I am going to miss you coming home I wont be the one you excitedly tell about your day I ache for the little moments I am missing

I love you my children and I pray for the day you return to me. 

Love,  Mommy

I am overwhelmed.

As a mother of three and a wife, I am over whelmed. I am exhausted. I am stressed out so much I just want to cry. I know I am a wife to my husband, I am a mother to my children.... Who or what am I to myself? 

Just the month of Feb. has all ready been hell. 

week 1 DD birthday  and a doc apt for Momweek 2 court for animal control and a doc apt for Dadweek 3 court for codesweeks 1-4 waiting on taxes so I can move.I am the only one who plans how our family money is spent. I am the only one who makes sure the bills are handled. I am stressed that I wont be able to find a place for my family before march is over. 

I wish I had a friend to talk to... I miss having a best friend I can tell every thing to. I miss having someone to visit with and share my life with. 

Things I have had to say to my kids in the last month....

Don't touch your brother's penisDon't put pop tart in your buttDon't put your penis in that it might get stuck!Stop pulling all the diapers out of the boxWe are…

Beautiful....or Not.....

I have always struggles with my self esteem. I was always told I would be big as a house, I'm not pretty enough for so and so. 8 days out of 10 I love my life and who I am.

How do you tell the one person you choose to love most in the world that they are slowly killing what is left of your self esteem?

That when you open up your heart and deepest insecurities it seems like they are not important. What I feel and need from him isn't important. Why can't you be bothered to remember the little things about me? Why is it that when you go to the store you can pick up a little something you think I might like or know that I like?

I don't ever ask for much I just want to feel like I am important to you. I want to feel like my likes and dislikes are something you just have to know.

It truly sucks when you tell your husband that you want to be called beautiful, or pretty or just want him to make you feel wanted and beautiful..... and after months of silence from him he finally…

Past wishes..

I got my GED. But I still wish I could have graduated with my class. I wish I could have gone to my school reunion... It is the only regret I have.  Honestly I just want to cry right now thinking about it. I didn't get to walk the graduation walk. I didn't have friends around me to expierence my pregnancies. It may seem selfish but I never had a baby shower, or any type of party to celebrate the life of my children. I didn't do a wedding. We didn't have a reception. I will make sure my daughter has these things in her life. Pity party for one.