Keep up with my Crazy :-)

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Craptastic Emotions Today

I have no excuse for acting like a child throwing a tantrum...

 Its silly and I know it. Seriously It's just pregnancy hormones.

 If these hormones do not go away I am sure my Fiance will...

Not to day. Apparently I am horribly at hiding my emotions.
I feel like I have built a castle around my heart today because of my Craptastic Emotional Overload!
After the way I have been acting today yeah I just want to freaking cry.
 My Wonderful Husband to be did more than hold my hand; he crawled up in the bed with me and wrapped him self around me and told me I could cry if I wanted to.

Friday, November 29, 2013

Feeling Defeated

I guess you could call this a small vent. 
Thanksgiving for us was mostly great. There were a few things that in the heat of the moment I failed. So I guess I will start from the beginning. 
Our Thanksgiving started on Wednesday and ends/ended Friday night.
We drove about an hour to my Aunt's house on wed. afternoon and when we got there we had a great visit. The first visit lasted late in to the morning Thursday with cooking and joking and family time. DD enjoyed herself to the point of exhaustion and passed out before 10pm. DS being 3 weeks old did his baby thing, every one loved on and held both of the Goblins. 
Thursday - MIL texted and reminded us about family lunch with DH's side at 12. We asked when she would be there because we knew she had to be at work at 2pm. MIL is USUALLY non-boundary stomping and great with including DD, so I wanted to make sure she had plenty of time with the Goblins. We make plans to get there at 11 or 11:30. 
FF- We get to "home of hosting family member". We get out of the car and before we are half way to the house MIL meets us outside. *Not really a big deal to me kinda annoying but really NBD*  Any ways we all walk up to the house and MIL leads the way opening doors and letting DH and DD inside I walk up the steps and BARELY get one foot over the thresh hold and MIL takes DS's car seat out of my hands... I'm a little irritated but kinda shrug it off because I have been in the *baby blues kinda moody lately*. OK so we are inside and I walk over to MIL who is having issues getting DS out of the car seat because she has her nails done and can't work the clasps...* I giggle in my head and go help get DS out*
Visiting is going great DH is opening *more* gifts for DS. Food is soon ready (about 35 minutes after we get there) MIL hands me DS back and I am glad to have him. I let every one know they can eat first while I hold DS... Well DH's Grandmother (GMIL) comes over places her hands out and says "I'll hold DS so you can eat", I politely said that's OK you go ahead and eat. *Big fail on my part* She then put her hands on either side of my DS and took him off of my chest. **I don't know why I didn't say any thing or even try to stop her.**  So I eat and MIL kinda flies through her food and the next thing I know she has DS again. **I USUALLY don't mind but for some reason today it was just seriously upsetting me.**  So I get DS from her again and she goes about making a plate of food for her co worker. In the time that takes about 5 minutes barely she has mentioned she would like a 4 generation picture of "the boys". (literally her words). This is OK with me, at first. 
I am holding DS and I look at DH and go to hand him off to DH and MIL comes over trying to take DS. DH looks at her and says I've got him he's my son. Skip a head to GFIL, DH, DS, and MIL sitting on the picture couch and every one is taking pictures of them... I assumed it would be GFIL, DH, DS, and UIL, so why is MIL in the picture.(not really a big deal) Well after the first pictures MIL gets UIL on the couch and she sits on the floor in front of GFIL and take more pictures... 
After all those pictures were taken GMIL (I really love this woman) Says DH why don't we get a picture of you and your family... **this really pissed me off and hurt my feelings** I pick up DD and I turn to step closer to DH who WAS holding DS to see MIL holding DS... I'm a little confused until I realized... She was going to stand in the picture too... 
It didn't hit me until later after we left. She stood between DH and I holding OUR SON! OH and to top it all off no one took any pictures for us with MY camera/phone... I am so pissed and hurt. I'm not sure if it was intentional or accidental and because she was so excited. 

OK so off the subject of MIL and on to DH who had a serious DUH moment... 
We had to make a pit stop at Walmart for some tupper ware and pants for DH. We complete our shopping and are heading to the check out DuH mentions he needs to get some dip he is out. I say no problem and we head over to the line and I see the cashier...*insert cranky ugly face* I tell DH nope you can get it at Thortons we are NOT going through that ladies line. He asked me why not I said because she is the lady that got me fired...
DH in all of his DuH glory decided to go through "that cashier's" line just for his dip. I was of course pissed beyond belief. I acted like a child and after making my purchases stomped out to the car and slammed the doors I used. I was so mad that I ended up crying. We get in the car go get gas and then head back to my Aunt's house.
We get there I get all the stuff out of the car and go inside. Some one mentioned me being upset asked what is wrong and I went off not exactly screaming but with a raised voice about what happened at the store. Aunt being the smart ass that she is told me to let it go because it was Thanksgiving, I turned around and walked my happy ass right back out side and sat in the car. *its silly but it helped me calm down* Then DH came outside and apologized for hurting my feelings at walmart.
It is now 4 am I have not slept and I cleaned up after dinner all by my self.
That was our Thanksgiving...
I hope yours was better and with out so much drama. 

If I had to ask a question it would be... How do I let MIL know what happened upset me nicely?  Are all these emotions just me looking for someone stepping on a boundary? How much longer am I going to feel like an alien in my own body?

**eta** DH got major brownie points after the walmart thing... For showing me this ring*(Resident Evil inspired engagement ring)*... And mentioning that he wanted to get it for me because It symbolizes how we met. 

Monday, November 18, 2013

DS's Birth Story

Well I guess it is about time to type out my Dear Son's birth.

I decided to be induced at 39 weeks. In all honesty I was just ready to be done with pregnancy. I was tired of my vagina lips hurting and throbbing with sharp pains. I was tired of the constant pressure and feeling like I needed to poop.

We arrived at the hospital at 3:30 am and were placed in our L&D room. We were hooked up to the monitors and I was dilated to 5 1/2 cm. They hooked me up to my fluids and pitocin.  Well between 5am and 7am I asked for my epidural. I was starting to feel my contractions and I was just completely uncomfortable.

*cue lots of sleep*

Around 9 or 9:30am MIL  showed up and even though I didn't really want any one at the hospital until after I had given birth, I was so thankful she showed up when she did. I had paged for a nurse two or three times and no one had shown up. I was in excruciating pain.  To the point of crying full blown tears. On a scale of 1-10 my pain level was at a 12.  DH was sleeping and I had tried to call out to him and he wouldn't wake up. MIL came in saw that I was in pain and not only woke my DH up she went and got a nurse for me.

At this point I could care less who was in the room as I was just in excruciating pain. I was feeling every contraction. It was enough pain to make me cry... The nurse got the anesthesiologist to come in and try to up my meds... No such luck the Epi had completely stopped working, and after pumping me so full of meds I should have been unable to move... He told me he was sorry and that he could no longer give me any more meds because I had reached the max dosage. *cue sad face on me* I remember telling DH I wanted my mom, and being the wonderful man that he is called my mom to see where she was. **not close enough for me to have her there with me**

So fast forward 30 minutes to an hour. Nurse comes in and says lets have you a baby. MIL asked me if I wanted her to leave I nodded my head yes and there she went out the door. It took less than an hour and I had pushed DS out. *I felt every thing* At one point my OB told me to stop pushing... *cord was wrapped* I didn't know this until 3 days later when DH told me.

As soon as my mom showed up MIL took care of DD and sent her right in to me. All I could do was shake and cry. I cried with relief that my DS and I were both OK. I was shaking because of all the meds that had been pumped in me and I was suddenly so COLD. All I could do was ask for my son. I told the nurse checking his vitals that I wanted him as soon as she was done. *she did give him straight to me when she was done* I didn't share him at all for the time I had him. I told DH he could hold him later but I wasn't sharing. I was made to stay in my L&D room for an hour with yet another bag of fluids attached to me. Some wonderful nurse brought me a hot blanket to cover up with which helped with the shaking.

After we were transferred to our postpartum room the brought DS back to us and DH was the first to hold him, then DD we took several pictures of DD holding him.

MIL was AMAZING. I love her for coming to my rescue.

Friday, November 15, 2013

What a slap in the Face.

As some of you know DF and I have been struggling financially since I lost my job in July.  I must say that even with DF not being able to find another PT job we have kept up on our bills. Both of our cars are in serious need of breaks and we just couldn't afford to fix either of them and pay our bills. *We were and are still planning to get them both serviced when we get our taxes.* OK so to the point. DF called his Grandfather on his dad's side. He asked him for $$ to help us get our car/s fixed.  I was not apart of the conversation didn't even know DF was going to ask. To be honest I was honestly relieved and thankful he was willing to help. Until I got his letter/check in the mail. Word for word this is what he said.

*** Dear DF
you and your partner have no right to create to children which you can't support.
do whatever it takes to prevent this irresponsible inconsiderate action from happening again!

I am livid. Pissed off. Hurt. And slightly confused.

**Flame away if you want to**

I took that damn check to the bank and deposited it. I am taking DF's car Monday to get serviced. I will have the one working car I need to take my DD and newborn DS to the doctors SAFELY!

Since I took the $$ the devil offered... I posted this on FB a little while ago.

Dear person I have never met,

I just want you to know we can support our children on our own. Yes my future husband and I are having a difficult time right now. We will get through this. While I appreciate your lending us the $ to get at least one of our vehicles fixed and safe for our children to ride in... We will pay you back every cent you have given/lent us.

How dare you call my child an irresponsible, inconsiderate action. You don't know me or my story, you have not even made an attempt to get to know me*to the best of my knowledge*. It is not up to you how I spend my life. How we spend our lives. Were it not so important to have at least 1 working vehicle to our house hold I would never have accepted what was sent.

It breaks my heart that people can be so thoughtless and hurtful. I would NEVER EVER give up my children. I love them more than my own life. You Sir can go to hell. Screw you and your $. I swear it here and now that when I get my tax money, I WILL GIVE YOU BACK YOUR MONEY.

I also want you to know that any chance of a relationship you think you might have had with Our children IS GONE. Over my dead body will my children know you.

A pissed off Mom.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Rodent Stories.

First off I live in a trailer park right next to a grain field of some kind. When we first moved in I was living with my parents in tr# 14. Across the "street" is tr# 5. I was 6 maybe 7 months pregnant with my DD and had made friends with the girl in tr# 5 and her twin girls.

So I am baby sitting one night for her to work and I hear a rustling noise in the pantry. I didn't know what it was so I "stabbed" at it with a broom. *real smart huh*.

Any way a damn field mouse jumped off a box of cereal and right into a mouse trap. ONLY the damn mouse landed in the middle of the trap so when it went off it broke its back but didn't kill it.

I *hormonal and upset I hurt a mouse* walked across the "road" to my mom's and went to go up her steps... Only I couldn't because there was a SKUNK right on the first step... UGH. I went to the living room window and knocked.

My Awesome mom got the skunk to go away and came to my rescue. She took care of the little mouse and THEN laughed at me because of my hysterical crying.

I have realized I can not handle dead animals while pregnant. Something in me just breaks.

*ps* I now live in tr # 5. Mouse free and ready to move any ways.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Family Tantrums and My Response

So what do you do when you piss off your family?

How about a little story about DF and I pissing off his family.

We decided on a small list of people to invite to the hospital. This list is strictly for those most important to DF and I.

The list is as follows.

My list
  1. My Parents and Brother
  2. My Aunt (+2) 
His list
  1. His Mom (FMIL)
  2. His Dad (FFIL)
  3. His Mom's parents
  4. His Dad's parents
  5. His Ex-Step-Mom (ESM)
His Mom did not take too kindly to finding out He/We had invited his ESM to the hospital to meet our LO.
In a way the conversation kinda went like so.

FMIL- Did you invite Ex-SM to the hospital?

Me- I believe DF did.

FMIL- Ok I'm out... Good luck   His dad's out too, my mom too

Me-  I'm sorry to hear that.

The above is what was posted but, this is essentially what I read...

What the hell are you thinking? Why on earth would you think you can invite whomever you want to the hospital to meet your baby? Just because you're giving birth doesn't give you the right to invite people you want to see. Your birthing experience is not about you or DF.

It is very hard for me to believe that people can not set aside their hate/dislike for ESM to share in the joy and love for our LO.

DF is a grown man he can invite whom ever he wants to the Hospital to see HIS SON!
Its honestly just the way I feel about it. Hell He is LUCKY I am even allowing visitors at all.
I have already told DF that Him being there is also OPTIONAL. I told DF that if any one starts trouble people will be told to leave...TOLD not asked.

 It is comical to me that FMIL is acting this way. I just have to remind DF and myself that.... 
We are welcome to invite anyone we want to come.  They are also entitled to decide to not come for a lame reason. We don't have to solve their tantrum.

That is exactly what it is a damn Tantrum! This reminds me of kids when they throw a tantrum. "Fine, if you won't let me get my way I'm going to my room and staying there".  They just need to be reminded that they aren't punishing us at all and they are the ones suffering alone in their room while enjoy the peace.

They are losing out on meeting our LO at the hospital that is completely their choice. It is also one they will have to live with for ever because LO will not be in the hospital for ever. 

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Grow Your Own Spine.

From a friend Carolyn1205 these are her words and a few added others.
OK, I have been in here long enough to learn that there are some very important "lessons" people need to learn in Dealing with both of your families(his and hers). I do not claim to know-it-all but I do find myself often repeating these things to myself and on posts often enough to feel comfortable writing them out.  Please, feel free to add or edit points, expand on those mentioned below, and add lessons of your own to help teach people who want to know how to grow a spine.  
Lesson 1: Move out.  Living with In Laws or Family of Origin (ILs or FOO) makes it practically impossible to grow or have your own spine.  If you are living in their home they will hold it over your head.  Also, they feel it is their home so they are justified to tell you how things are to be done in it.

Lesson 2: You MUST learn that "No" is a complete sentence.  Do not give in to the temptation to JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain) your reasoning.  If you try to JADE the other people will more than likely take that as the subject is open for discussion and continue to push for their desired conclusion.

Lesson 3: STOP THE INFO TRAIN!  Period.  Do not give people more information than you want them to have.  If you do not want people to know you are going to the doctor don't tell them because they will pester you for details of the visit or may even show up uninvited.  If you don't want people to know the sex or name of your unborn baby, don't tell them.  People feel entitled to information if you share anything with them and will pursue you or your DH like a dog on a bone to get more details. This includes LABOR!! If you are in labor and do NOT want people there don't call them or anyone until you are ready for visitors or callers.  Just wait until everyone has had rest.

    Sub Lesson A: "Turn it off". What ever it is that your family or friends are using to contact you with unwanted questions or advice, Shut It Off! the ringer on your phone, the doorbell, Facebook, E-Mail.  Just because it rings don't mean you have to answer. Just because it is there for you to read does not mean you have to respond at all. BH ~ It means to send it to the BLACK HOLE of your mind where you don't think about it. It does not deserve a response from you or your DH at all.

Lesson 4: Understand that "respecting your elders" does NOT mean being a doormat.  How does laying down and being taken advantage of, manipulated, or just fucked around with show respect?  Do you really think that the person you are allowing to treat you like crap respects you for allowing them to have their way?  Respect is earned and if the person in question doesn't deserve to be respected for any reason other than the fact they are older or are the parent of someone...that person will continue to push at and needle those around them to get their way because no one stands up to them.

     Sub Lesson B: "Keeping the peace".  In keeping the peace one becomes a doormat.  Giving up your right to have a voice in things means you are agreeing that you do not have a say in anything in your own family and that others can do as they want because you won't say or do anything.  

      Sub Lesson C: "Keep it to your self". Do  not complain about your spouse or significant other to your family.  It will only serve to alienate their relationship with him/her and eventually it WILL cause problems.  If you have to vent about DuH, do it privately in an online group , or to friends you don't plan on having around forever. 

Lesson 5: Grandparents are NOT necessary to raise healthy, happy children no matter what people tell you.  Consider all the LO's whose grandparents have passed away.  They can and most often do lead healthy, happy, and productive lives.  Also, consider if the grandparent in question is a healthy addition to the LO's life or if they can potentially do emotional or physical damage through their actions.  Is it worth it to risk your LO's emotional or physical well-being because "it's faaaaaaammilyyyy"?

     Sub Lesson D: "Grandparent Rights" are often a threat desperate people will throw out there when they realize they can no longer manipulate or control the parents to said grandchild.  Read up on your states laws regarding GP rights so you can feel more comfortable as to whether this is an empty threat or they may actually have a valid claim.  Most often, 1 parent has to be gone or the parents have to be divorced and the grandparent has to prove the child suffers from not having their grandparent in their life.  However, like I said, read up on the laws in your state to clarify.

Lesson 6: Learn the signs of a DuH.  If your husband regularly asks you to "keep the peace" or says things like "that's just the way she/he/they is/are", "you took what was said out of context", "but it's family, you have to make exceptions for family", or "you are being too sensitive" you have a DuH.  Also, if your husband talks your IL's when you and he get into arguments, talks to your IL's multiple times a day, or makes multiple trips to your IL's a week, you may have a DuH.  Get counseling immediately!  Your husband is putting other people before you and your feelings and that is not the sign of a supportive husband.

Lesson 7: Have your husband "handle" his family and you "handle" yours.  If there is an issue between your DH and your FOO it is appropriate to show your solidarity with your husband and defend him from attacks.  It is equally important that your DH do the same for you.  If your MIL attacks you verbally, your DH needs to defend you or at the very least gather you and your LO's together and leave the area immediately.  If he doesn't show your IL's that YOU are his family now and he CHOSE YOU he is allowing them to hurt you and is not showing that he values you or your marriage.  GET COUNSELING!!!  No matter HOW yours or DH's family treats the other, they don't get a pass because they are family. They should be MORE respectful...not less. Abuse in any form is NOT to be tolerated from anyone. You have the RIGHT and RESPONSIBILITY to stop it by stopping contact. No guilt is on you for protecting yourself from harm. **If your DUH or DuW won't handle his or her family, stand up for yourself. If your DUH won't stand up to Mommy.  Be a woman...handle it yourself.**

Lesson 8: If you and DH have made a parenting decision and advised IL's or FOO of it and they begin to argue or try to "bend the rules" or use that horrible statement "what happens @____'s stays @ _____'s" you and your DH need to be united in confronting the offending party.  These decisions are made for the safety of the LO (food or environmental allergies, giving babies water, or smoking around the LO) and are not open for discussion.  If someone breaks a rule, they should NOT be allowed unsupervised time with LO again until they have proven they understand what they did was wrong and will respect the parents decisions for LO from then on.

     Sub Lesson E: Parenting decisions are non-negotiable.  If you and your DH do not agree on something that is to be addressed away from others and you must always present a united front.  If people who break safety rules sense any dissension amongst you, they will continue to do as they please because someone is not committed to the rules. REMEMBER :: Your kid, your rules.  Nobody else gets a vote. Not your parents.  Not your spouse's parents.  Not your sister, cousin, coworker, best friend, or anybody else.  You are not co-parenting with anybody.

    Sub Lesson F:  NEVER engage any of the family in sit down talks, discussions, pow-wows, or come to Jesus talks on their terms ... ie. we need to talk about how much us IL or FOO hates you and what you do. You are grown adults who do not need your "extended families" telling you how to live your life. They DO NOT get to decide or make decisions for you.

Lesson 9: Learn what a TRUE apology consists of and accept nothing less.  If someone tries to say "Sorry" they are not accepting ownership for their part in the situation and if they say "it wasn't meant that way" or "I am sorry you took it that way" it is not sincere and you do not need to accept it.  An apology consists of the apology, describing the issue they are apologizing for, and telling you what they will do to prevent it from happening again.  If someone calls you a bitch because you told them they couldn't do something with your LO their apology should sound similar to: "I am sorry I called you a bitch when you told me I could not do that with LO.  I was wrong to allow my anger or frustration to get the best of me and I will do my best not allow that to happen again."  It would be nice to have "I hope you can forgive me" added but is not necessary as it may sound too desperate or even sarcastic.

Lesson 10: You must learn that you cannot tell others what to do in their own home.  If they smoke in their home and you do not want your LO around smoke, you have the right to not go over there.  If they are very dirty and have animal urine and feces all over the place, you do not need to bring your LO there.  You also do not need to JADE.  If they question why you will not go there tell them that because you respect their decision to smoke/have animals you would not dream of asking them to stop.  However, you have made the decision to not expose your LO to those conditions out of concern for their safety and you would expect to be respected in return.  (Comments like this make them look like completely narcissistic asses to the world if they argue for expecting you to put your LO's safety behind their habit.)  Offer to meet them somewhere neutral or invite them to your home if you are comfortable doing so to help appease their desire to see your family.  Lather, rinse, and repeat as the person may attempt to change your mind multiple times and may send FM's after you as well.
    Sub Lesson G: "Your Home is YOUR SAFE PLACE". No one should ever be able to just walk in. Start by locking the doors. If your doors are not locked that invites not only "Extended Family" to just walk in but also STRANGERS.  If they have a key to your home then change the locks.  If your DuH objects to the lock changing tell him to give you an example of an emergency dire enough to need that key.
Lesson 11: Know the difference between  "core" and "extended" family. Your "CORE" family changed the minute you got married or had a child. Your "CORE" family is now your DH and children. That is it. Your parents, brothers, sisters, and all other family is now "EXTENDED".

OK, so what do you all think?  Is this helpful info to anyone else?  Is there more that needs to be said?