Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Craptastic Emotions Today

I have no excuse for acting like a child throwing a tantrum...

 Its silly and I know it. Seriously It's just pregnancy hormones.

 If these hormones do not go away I am sure my Fiance will...

Not to day. Apparently I am horribly at hiding my emotions.
I feel like I have built a castle around my heart today because of my Craptastic Emotional Overload!
After the way I have been acting today yeah I just want to freaking cry.
 My Wonderful Husband to be did more than hold my hand; he crawled up in the bed with me and wrapped him self around me and told me I could cry if I wanted to.

Friday, November 29, 2013

Feeling Defeated

I guess you could call this a small vent. 
Thanksgiving for us was mostly great. There were a few things that in the heat of the moment I failed. So I guess I will start from the beginning. 
Our Thanksgiving started on Wednesday and ends/ended Friday night.
We drove about an hour to my Aunt's house on wed. afternoon and when we got there we had a great visit. The first visit lasted late in to the morning Thursday with cooking and joking and family time. DD enjoyed herself to the point of exhaustion and passed out before 10pm. DS being 3 weeks old did his baby thing, every one loved on and held both of the Goblins. 
Thursday - MIL texted and reminded us about family lunch with DH's side at 12. We asked when she would be there because we knew she had to be at work at 2pm. MIL is USUALLY non-boundary stomping and great with including DD, so I wanted to make sure she had plenty of time with the Goblins. We make plans to get there at 11 or 11:30. 
FF- We get to "home of hosting family member". We get out of the car and before we are half way to the house MIL meets us outside. *Not really a big deal to me kinda annoying but really NBD*  Any ways we all walk up to the house and MIL leads the way opening doors and letting DH and DD inside I walk up the steps and BARELY get one foot over the thresh hold and MIL takes DS's car seat out of my hands... I'm a little irritated but kinda shrug it off because I have been in the *baby blues kinda moody lately*. OK so we are inside and I walk over to MIL who is having issues getting DS out of the car seat because she has her nails done and can't work the clasps...* I giggle in my head and go help get DS out*
Visiting is going great DH is opening *more* gifts for DS. Food is soon ready (about 35 minutes after we get there) MIL hands me DS back and I am glad to have him. I let every one know they can eat first while I hold DS... Well DH's Grandmother (GMIL) comes over places her hands out and says "I'll hold DS so you can eat", I politely said that's OK you go ahead and eat. *Big fail on my part* She then put her hands on either side of my DS and took him off of my chest. **I don't know why I didn't say any thing or even try to stop her.**  So I eat and MIL kinda flies through her food and the next thing I know she has DS again. **I USUALLY don't mind but for some reason today it was just seriously upsetting me.**  So I get DS from her again and she goes about making a plate of food for her co worker. In the time that takes about 5 minutes barely she has mentioned she would like a 4 generation picture of "the boys". (literally her words). This is OK with me, at first. 
I am holding DS and I look at DH and go to hand him off to DH and MIL comes over trying to take DS. DH looks at her and says I've got him he's my son. Skip a head to GFIL, DH, DS, and MIL sitting on the picture couch and every one is taking pictures of them... I assumed it would be GFIL, DH, DS, and UIL, so why is MIL in the picture.(not really a big deal) Well after the first pictures MIL gets UIL on the couch and she sits on the floor in front of GFIL and take more pictures... 
After all those pictures were taken GMIL (I really love this woman) Says DH why don't we get a picture of you and your family... **this really pissed me off and hurt my feelings** I pick up DD and I turn to step closer to DH who WAS holding DS to see MIL holding DS... I'm a little confused until I realized... She was going to stand in the picture too... 
It didn't hit me until later after we left. She stood between DH and I holding OUR SON! OH and to top it all off no one took any pictures for us with MY camera/phone... I am so pissed and hurt. I'm not sure if it was intentional or accidental and because she was so excited. 

OK so off the subject of MIL and on to DH who had a serious DUH moment... 
We had to make a pit stop at Walmart for some tupper ware and pants for DH. We complete our shopping and are heading to the check out DuH mentions he needs to get some dip he is out. I say no problem and we head over to the line and I see the cashier...*insert cranky ugly face* I tell DH nope you can get it at Thortons we are NOT going through that ladies line. He asked me why not I said because she is the lady that got me fired...
DH in all of his DuH glory decided to go through "that cashier's" line just for his dip. I was of course pissed beyond belief. I acted like a child and after making my purchases stomped out to the car and slammed the doors I used. I was so mad that I ended up crying. We get in the car go get gas and then head back to my Aunt's house.
We get there I get all the stuff out of the car and go inside. Some one mentioned me being upset asked what is wrong and I went off not exactly screaming but with a raised voice about what happened at the store. Aunt being the smart ass that she is told me to let it go because it was Thanksgiving, I turned around and walked my happy ass right back out side and sat in the car. *its silly but it helped me calm down* Then DH came outside and apologized for hurting my feelings at walmart.
It is now 4 am I have not slept and I cleaned up after dinner all by my self.
That was our Thanksgiving...
I hope yours was better and with out so much drama. 

If I had to ask a question it would be... How do I let MIL know what happened upset me nicely?  Are all these emotions just me looking for someone stepping on a boundary? How much longer am I going to feel like an alien in my own body?

**eta** DH got major brownie points after the walmart thing... For showing me this ring*(Resident Evil inspired engagement ring)*... And mentioning that he wanted to get it for me because It symbolizes how we met. 

Monday, November 18, 2013

DS's Birth Story

Well I guess it is about time to type out my Dear Son's birth.

I decided to be induced at 39 weeks. In all honesty I was just ready to be done with pregnancy. I was tired of my vagina lips hurting and throbbing with sharp pains. I was tired of the constant pressure and feeling like I needed to poop.

We arrived at the hospital at 3:30 am and were placed in our L&D room. We were hooked up to the monitors and I was dilated to 5 1/2 cm. They hooked me up to my fluids and pitocin.  Well between 5am and 7am I asked for my epidural. I was starting to feel my contractions and I was just completely uncomfortable.

*cue lots of sleep*

Around 9 or 9:30am MIL  showed up and even though I didn't really want any one at the hospital until after I had given birth, I was so thankful she showed up when she did. I had paged for a nurse two or three times and no one had shown up. I was in excruciating pain.  To the point of crying full blown tears. On a scale of 1-10 my pain level was at a 12.  DH was sleeping and I had tried to call out to him and he wouldn't wake up. MIL came in saw that I was in pain and not only woke my DH up she went and got a nurse for me.

At this point I could care less who was in the room as I was just in excruciating pain. I was feeling every contraction. It was enough pain to make me cry... The nurse got the anesthesiologist to come in and try to up my meds... No such luck the Epi had completely stopped working, and after pumping me so full of meds I should have been unable to move... He told me he was sorry and that he could no longer give me any more meds because I had reached the max dosage. *cue sad face on me* I remember telling DH I wanted my mom, and being the wonderful man that he is called my mom to see where she was. **not close enough for me to have her there with me**

So fast forward 30 minutes to an hour. Nurse comes in and says lets have you a baby. MIL asked me if I wanted her to leave I nodded my head yes and there she went out the door. It took less than an hour and I had pushed DS out. *I felt every thing* At one point my OB told me to stop pushing... *cord was wrapped* I didn't know this until 3 days later when DH told me.

As soon as my mom showed up MIL took care of DD and sent her right in to me. All I could do was shake and cry. I cried with relief that my DS and I were both OK. I was shaking because of all the meds that had been pumped in me and I was suddenly so COLD. All I could do was ask for my son. I told the nurse checking his vitals that I wanted him as soon as she was done. *she did give him straight to me when she was done* I didn't share him at all for the time I had him. I told DH he could hold him later but I wasn't sharing. I was made to stay in my L&D room for an hour with yet another bag of fluids attached to me. Some wonderful nurse brought me a hot blanket to cover up with which helped with the shaking.

After we were transferred to our postpartum room the brought DS back to us and DH was the first to hold him, then DD we took several pictures of DD holding him.

MIL was AMAZING. I love her for coming to my rescue.

Friday, November 15, 2013

What a slap in the Face.

As some of you know DF and I have been struggling financially since I lost my job in July.  I must say that even with DF not being able to find another PT job we have kept up on our bills. Both of our cars are in serious need of breaks and we just couldn't afford to fix either of them and pay our bills. *We were and are still planning to get them both serviced when we get our taxes.* OK so to the point. DF called his Grandfather on his dad's side. He asked him for $$ to help us get our car/s fixed.  I was not apart of the conversation didn't even know DF was going to ask. To be honest I was honestly relieved and thankful he was willing to help. Until I got his letter/check in the mail. Word for word this is what he said.

*** Dear DF
you and your partner have no right to create to children which you can't support.
do whatever it takes to prevent this irresponsible inconsiderate action from happening again!

I am livid. Pissed off. Hurt. And slightly confused.

**Flame away if you want to**

I took that damn check to the bank and deposited it. I am taking DF's car Monday to get serviced. I will have the one working car I need to take my DD and newborn DS to the doctors SAFELY!

Since I took the $$ the devil offered... I posted this on FB a little while ago.

Dear person I have never met,

I just want you to know we can support our children on our own. Yes my future husband and I are having a difficult time right now. We will get through this. While I appreciate your lending us the $ to get at least one of our vehicles fixed and safe for our children to ride in... We will pay you back every cent you have given/lent us.

How dare you call my child an irresponsible, inconsiderate action. You don't know me or my story, you have not even made an attempt to get to know me*to the best of my knowledge*. It is not up to you how I spend my life. How we spend our lives. Were it not so important to have at least 1 working vehicle to our house hold I would never have accepted what was sent.

It breaks my heart that people can be so thoughtless and hurtful. I would NEVER EVER give up my children. I love them more than my own life. You Sir can go to hell. Screw you and your $. I swear it here and now that when I get my tax money, I WILL GIVE YOU BACK YOUR MONEY.

I also want you to know that any chance of a relationship you think you might have had with Our children IS GONE. Over my dead body will my children know you.

A pissed off Mom.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Rodent Stories.

First off I live in a trailer park right next to a grain field of some kind. When we first moved in I was living with my parents in tr# 14. Across the "street" is tr# 5. I was 6 maybe 7 months pregnant with my DD and had made friends with the girl in tr# 5 and her twin girls.

So I am baby sitting one night for her to work and I hear a rustling noise in the pantry. I didn't know what it was so I "stabbed" at it with a broom. *real smart huh*.

Any way a damn field mouse jumped off a box of cereal and right into a mouse trap. ONLY the damn mouse landed in the middle of the trap so when it went off it broke its back but didn't kill it.

I *hormonal and upset I hurt a mouse* walked across the "road" to my mom's and went to go up her steps... Only I couldn't because there was a SKUNK right on the first step... UGH. I went to the living room window and knocked.

My Awesome mom got the skunk to go away and came to my rescue. She took care of the little mouse and THEN laughed at me because of my hysterical crying.

I have realized I can not handle dead animals while pregnant. Something in me just breaks.

*ps* I now live in tr # 5. Mouse free and ready to move any ways.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Family Tantrums and My Response

So what do you do when you piss off your family?

How about a little story about DF and I pissing off his family.

We decided on a small list of people to invite to the hospital. This list is strictly for those most important to DF and I.

The list is as follows.

My list
  1. My Parents and Brother
  2. My Aunt (+2) 
His list
  1. His Mom (FMIL)
  2. His Dad (FFIL)
  3. His Mom's parents
  4. His Dad's parents
  5. His Ex-Step-Mom (ESM)
His Mom did not take too kindly to finding out He/We had invited his ESM to the hospital to meet our LO.
In a way the conversation kinda went like so.

FMIL- Did you invite Ex-SM to the hospital?

Me- I believe DF did.

FMIL- Ok I'm out... Good luck   His dad's out too, my mom too

Me-  I'm sorry to hear that.

The above is what was posted but, this is essentially what I read...

What the hell are you thinking? Why on earth would you think you can invite whomever you want to the hospital to meet your baby? Just because you're giving birth doesn't give you the right to invite people you want to see. Your birthing experience is not about you or DF.

It is very hard for me to believe that people can not set aside their hate/dislike for ESM to share in the joy and love for our LO.

DF is a grown man he can invite whom ever he wants to the Hospital to see HIS SON!
Its honestly just the way I feel about it. Hell He is LUCKY I am even allowing visitors at all.
I have already told DF that Him being there is also OPTIONAL. I told DF that if any one starts trouble people will be told to leave...TOLD not asked.

 It is comical to me that FMIL is acting this way. I just have to remind DF and myself that.... 
We are welcome to invite anyone we want to come.  They are also entitled to decide to not come for a lame reason. We don't have to solve their tantrum.

That is exactly what it is a damn Tantrum! This reminds me of kids when they throw a tantrum. "Fine, if you won't let me get my way I'm going to my room and staying there".  They just need to be reminded that they aren't punishing us at all and they are the ones suffering alone in their room while enjoy the peace.

They are losing out on meeting our LO at the hospital that is completely their choice. It is also one they will have to live with for ever because LO will not be in the hospital for ever. 

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Grow Your Own Spine.

From a friend Carolyn1205 these are her words and a few added others.
OK, I have been in here long enough to learn that there are some very important "lessons" people need to learn in Dealing with both of your families(his and hers). I do not claim to know-it-all but I do find myself often repeating these things to myself and on posts often enough to feel comfortable writing them out.  Please, feel free to add or edit points, expand on those mentioned below, and add lessons of your own to help teach people who want to know how to grow a spine.  
Lesson 1: Move out.  Living with In Laws or Family of Origin (ILs or FOO) makes it practically impossible to grow or have your own spine.  If you are living in their home they will hold it over your head.  Also, they feel it is their home so they are justified to tell you how things are to be done in it.

Lesson 2: You MUST learn that "No" is a complete sentence.  Do not give in to the temptation to JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain) your reasoning.  If you try to JADE the other people will more than likely take that as the subject is open for discussion and continue to push for their desired conclusion.

Lesson 3: STOP THE INFO TRAIN!  Period.  Do not give people more information than you want them to have.  If you do not want people to know you are going to the doctor don't tell them because they will pester you for details of the visit or may even show up uninvited.  If you don't want people to know the sex or name of your unborn baby, don't tell them.  People feel entitled to information if you share anything with them and will pursue you or your DH like a dog on a bone to get more details. This includes LABOR!! If you are in labor and do NOT want people there don't call them or anyone until you are ready for visitors or callers.  Just wait until everyone has had rest.

    Sub Lesson A: "Turn it off". What ever it is that your family or friends are using to contact you with unwanted questions or advice, Shut It Off! the ringer on your phone, the doorbell, Facebook, E-Mail.  Just because it rings don't mean you have to answer. Just because it is there for you to read does not mean you have to respond at all. BH ~ It means to send it to the BLACK HOLE of your mind where you don't think about it. It does not deserve a response from you or your DH at all.

Lesson 4: Understand that "respecting your elders" does NOT mean being a doormat.  How does laying down and being taken advantage of, manipulated, or just fucked around with show respect?  Do you really think that the person you are allowing to treat you like crap respects you for allowing them to have their way?  Respect is earned and if the person in question doesn't deserve to be respected for any reason other than the fact they are older or are the parent of someone...that person will continue to push at and needle those around them to get their way because no one stands up to them.

     Sub Lesson B: "Keeping the peace".  In keeping the peace one becomes a doormat.  Giving up your right to have a voice in things means you are agreeing that you do not have a say in anything in your own family and that others can do as they want because you won't say or do anything.  

      Sub Lesson C: "Keep it to your self". Do  not complain about your spouse or significant other to your family.  It will only serve to alienate their relationship with him/her and eventually it WILL cause problems.  If you have to vent about DuH, do it privately in an online group , or to friends you don't plan on having around forever. 

Lesson 5: Grandparents are NOT necessary to raise healthy, happy children no matter what people tell you.  Consider all the LO's whose grandparents have passed away.  They can and most often do lead healthy, happy, and productive lives.  Also, consider if the grandparent in question is a healthy addition to the LO's life or if they can potentially do emotional or physical damage through their actions.  Is it worth it to risk your LO's emotional or physical well-being because "it's faaaaaaammilyyyy"?

     Sub Lesson D: "Grandparent Rights" are often a threat desperate people will throw out there when they realize they can no longer manipulate or control the parents to said grandchild.  Read up on your states laws regarding GP rights so you can feel more comfortable as to whether this is an empty threat or they may actually have a valid claim.  Most often, 1 parent has to be gone or the parents have to be divorced and the grandparent has to prove the child suffers from not having their grandparent in their life.  However, like I said, read up on the laws in your state to clarify.

Lesson 6: Learn the signs of a DuH.  If your husband regularly asks you to "keep the peace" or says things like "that's just the way she/he/they is/are", "you took what was said out of context", "but it's family, you have to make exceptions for family", or "you are being too sensitive" you have a DuH.  Also, if your husband talks your IL's when you and he get into arguments, talks to your IL's multiple times a day, or makes multiple trips to your IL's a week, you may have a DuH.  Get counseling immediately!  Your husband is putting other people before you and your feelings and that is not the sign of a supportive husband.

Lesson 7: Have your husband "handle" his family and you "handle" yours.  If there is an issue between your DH and your FOO it is appropriate to show your solidarity with your husband and defend him from attacks.  It is equally important that your DH do the same for you.  If your MIL attacks you verbally, your DH needs to defend you or at the very least gather you and your LO's together and leave the area immediately.  If he doesn't show your IL's that YOU are his family now and he CHOSE YOU he is allowing them to hurt you and is not showing that he values you or your marriage.  GET COUNSELING!!!  No matter HOW yours or DH's family treats the other, they don't get a pass because they are family. They should be MORE respectful...not less. Abuse in any form is NOT to be tolerated from anyone. You have the RIGHT and RESPONSIBILITY to stop it by stopping contact. No guilt is on you for protecting yourself from harm. **If your DUH or DuW won't handle his or her family, stand up for yourself. If your DUH won't stand up to Mommy.  Be a woman...handle it yourself.**

Lesson 8: If you and DH have made a parenting decision and advised IL's or FOO of it and they begin to argue or try to "bend the rules" or use that horrible statement "what happens @____'s stays @ _____'s" you and your DH need to be united in confronting the offending party.  These decisions are made for the safety of the LO (food or environmental allergies, giving babies water, or smoking around the LO) and are not open for discussion.  If someone breaks a rule, they should NOT be allowed unsupervised time with LO again until they have proven they understand what they did was wrong and will respect the parents decisions for LO from then on.

     Sub Lesson E: Parenting decisions are non-negotiable.  If you and your DH do not agree on something that is to be addressed away from others and you must always present a united front.  If people who break safety rules sense any dissension amongst you, they will continue to do as they please because someone is not committed to the rules. REMEMBER :: Your kid, your rules.  Nobody else gets a vote. Not your parents.  Not your spouse's parents.  Not your sister, cousin, coworker, best friend, or anybody else.  You are not co-parenting with anybody.

    Sub Lesson F:  NEVER engage any of the family in sit down talks, discussions, pow-wows, or come to Jesus talks on their terms ... ie. we need to talk about how much us IL or FOO hates you and what you do. You are grown adults who do not need your "extended families" telling you how to live your life. They DO NOT get to decide or make decisions for you.

Lesson 9: Learn what a TRUE apology consists of and accept nothing less.  If someone tries to say "Sorry" they are not accepting ownership for their part in the situation and if they say "it wasn't meant that way" or "I am sorry you took it that way" it is not sincere and you do not need to accept it.  An apology consists of the apology, describing the issue they are apologizing for, and telling you what they will do to prevent it from happening again.  If someone calls you a bitch because you told them they couldn't do something with your LO their apology should sound similar to: "I am sorry I called you a bitch when you told me I could not do that with LO.  I was wrong to allow my anger or frustration to get the best of me and I will do my best not allow that to happen again."  It would be nice to have "I hope you can forgive me" added but is not necessary as it may sound too desperate or even sarcastic.

Lesson 10: You must learn that you cannot tell others what to do in their own home.  If they smoke in their home and you do not want your LO around smoke, you have the right to not go over there.  If they are very dirty and have animal urine and feces all over the place, you do not need to bring your LO there.  You also do not need to JADE.  If they question why you will not go there tell them that because you respect their decision to smoke/have animals you would not dream of asking them to stop.  However, you have made the decision to not expose your LO to those conditions out of concern for their safety and you would expect to be respected in return.  (Comments like this make them look like completely narcissistic asses to the world if they argue for expecting you to put your LO's safety behind their habit.)  Offer to meet them somewhere neutral or invite them to your home if you are comfortable doing so to help appease their desire to see your family.  Lather, rinse, and repeat as the person may attempt to change your mind multiple times and may send FM's after you as well.
    Sub Lesson G: "Your Home is YOUR SAFE PLACE". No one should ever be able to just walk in. Start by locking the doors. If your doors are not locked that invites not only "Extended Family" to just walk in but also STRANGERS.  If they have a key to your home then change the locks.  If your DuH objects to the lock changing tell him to give you an example of an emergency dire enough to need that key.
Lesson 11: Know the difference between  "core" and "extended" family. Your "CORE" family changed the minute you got married or had a child. Your "CORE" family is now your DH and children. That is it. Your parents, brothers, sisters, and all other family is now "EXTENDED".

OK, so what do you all think?  Is this helpful info to anyone else?  Is there more that needs to be said?

You're Pregnant! Not your Families.

 So Congrats you're Pregnant! This can be a great experience for you but, now you need to do some serious reading on how your going to deal with all of your families. By families I mean your family and your Significant Other's (SO) family.

How are you going to handle the information train? Who will you tell and what will you tell them? As Delivery time rolls around who is going to be in your hospital room? How will you deal with the people who want to visit? Are you planning on breast feeding? Can you do it in front of your Father In Law or your SO's Ever watchful Mother?

These are all questions a new mom should really think about because if you don't you could run in to some serious problems like the ladies in the following two links.

How will you deal with the up and coming BAT SHIT CRAZY Family members?

Below are 2 links that MIGHT help.

part 1 Delivery Room Drama


part 2 Delivery Room Drama


And then after you have read at least 1 or both of those Read the Lemon Clot Essay. Also found in this blog :-) 

Here is a list of my favorite Blog posts about pregnancy so far :-) They might be helpful to you or not either way happy reading.


Entitled Grandparents and or In Laws

Gift Rules

Hospital Bag... and Meeting the Newborn

Barest Baby Needs

Thank you Poems from the Baby

Punishment... (for your kids)

(my child is 2) just a reminder :-)

When you hear the word punishment what comes to mind?

I am tired of punishing my child the way my parents punished me.

I have been working on Time Outs, Redirection, and taking away fun things.

How do I get DF on board? This is not really something we have EVER talked about.

An issue arose today and I voiced my opinion and my expectations, and reasons so to why I didn't agree with his choice of punishment.

How do you teach your children to listen to what you say and to understand that certain things are not ok?

A Visit to L&D

Yuck Spent the afternoon in Labor and Delivery. Apparently DS wants to come earlier than expected. Sorry DS Doc says its not time yet... So I got a steroid shot to stop contracting and dilating. I get to go back tomorrow for another shot.. So now that I have updated y'all I'm taking my big butt to bed. Daddy can deal with DD till Mamaw takes over.

Just to let ya know.
Doc said to rest up and drink water. I'll be here for the next 3 days Grin...
I'll be 33 weeks Friday... I am ready, DS is "ready" lol... But Safety and the Doc says we gotta wait... I'm dilated 1.30cm

 I got a shot in my ass that hurt worse than a marshmallow coming out your nose... (Yes that is extremely painful and 100x worse than soda or oj)

It's midnight 40 here... I'm cramping all in my back and hips... I'm dizzy.. Clammy (cold sweat). And **TMI**

I peed earlier and when I cleaned myself my usual slightly yellow discharge is now white and red/ pink... I took pics for my doc tomorrow... As this is new for me even though I am not a FTM.

I go back tomorrow for another shot! My back is cramping and my vulva/vagina feels like it's going to fall off!

Lol thank you for the thoughts and
prayers :-)

He better keep cooking! I don't have any preemie clothes!!! Lol
 Good lord! I'm not ready at all for this baby to be here! Lol

So I'm still in pain only now I'm clammy tired and can't sleep.

To top it all off **TMI**. I just peed and upon cleaning myself I noticed my usually normal yellow discharge is now white ish and pink/ blood colored... *eta*small pity party for me lol.

I'll be headed that way in the afternoon. Pain has finally died down.. If I am not feeling any pain in the morning I will just keep my appointment time. IF I am feeling pain again, you can bet your bum I'm out the door as soon as I can walk lol :-)

*ps* now that I am now doubled over and sleepy... I think your right about the mucus plug... I will definitely keep every one here updated as...well... I can and it's relaxing.

 Up and down since my last post and I'm not getting out of bed unless my house is on fire or I have to pee again :-)

Only a slight round ligament pain so far... We shall see :-)

I got my second round of steroids today. Yuck! was monitored for about an hour and sent home with instructions to rest...All of my whining updates last night I wrote down and showed the nurse taking care of me today. She said it was ALL because of the shot.

Now I have been trying to rest for the last week and *(this is where this turns into a bit of a rant)* I am so stressed out I could just scream!

DF DuF Has been some help. But I was so dizzy today I asked him to drive and I must admit I was being a bit of a BITCH today. Nothing he did seemed right to me. I griped about his driving, my mom, and his packing up DD too slow.

We spent the evening at my mom's house eating dinner there, and watching a movie. I was still feeling like I was contracting so I refused to move or get up at all.

DD said she had to potty... I tell DuF hey take her to the bathroom. He does but I am sensing an attitude. Well for the rest of the movie time that we were there any time I needed his help with DD he gave me a ton of BEC attitude.

Well come time to leave I asked him to pack up the 2 bags we had brought in. (he does it again with the attitude) Well he then decides he is going to walk home and I can drive (dizzy and in pain) with DD back to the house... *(I live in the same trailer park as my mom so its like a 1 minutes drive IF that)*

My mom mentions that I shouldn't be driving while dizzy and DuF just stands there like SO WHAT... I am getting upset and basically yell Just give me the DAMN keys!

Mom hands me my keys, I gather up DD and my small purse and drive to the house. By this point I am RAGING MAD, slam open the door and go inside. I snatch a diaper for DD out of the box and tell her to come on. DuF acts/makes a move like he is going to help do do something, I SNAP at him I got this!
I put DD down for bed (9:pm), an hour later than usual. I go to my room where DuF is laying down and tell him. I know I have been a Bitch today, I know your just as stressed out as I am. I just wish you would TALK to me. I then go to the bathroom and proceed to ball my eyes out because I am stressed and HURT.

He stays in bed.

I have sat here for 30 minutes crying my eyes out you all know the UGLY cry. He is still in bed...
I don't even want to be in my own home right now. I feel like I am unimportant, and not worth the trouble.
*depressing thoughts* *more tears*

 L&d again... Ugh this kid needs to take a break.

I went in last night because I had a bright pink/red "discharge"when I cleaned myself after peeing. I was starting to stress and cramp... So I went in to my local Hospital and had them check me out they transferred me to my OB-hospital 30 miles away! lol BY Ambulance! (what fun!)

Long story short I was monitored for 2 hours and sent home with instructions to rest. My back labor like contractions were inconsistent, and my cervix has not changed at all.

No oral meds yet... Got an appointment this Thursday so we'll see.

Pedophilia In My family

I have an uncle (J) who was recently released from prison. He has NEVER been apart of my life the one memory I have of him is OK. He is a registered sex offender (ages 15-17) . He called my mom tonight to talk and she opened her damn mouth and told him what I felt was too much information.

  1.  The state I live in.
  2.  about my kids (that I have a daughter 2 and a son on the way)
  3. That I am engaged. (this upset me because he started asking her questions about my DF, asking if he was into drugs and so on.)

It made me very uncomfortable. When she hung up with him she then asked me what she should say if he asked about (2 cousins whom he molested when he was 13 they were between 3-6 I can't remember)... I told her she should tell him they are fine... Bean Dip? I explained that they might not want him to know about them or their lives... Ugh I then explained that I didn't want him knowing all the crap he now knows about me... I feel violated. Is that weird?

*eta* I know my mom was just excited but DAMN! When my mom gets excited she forgets to filter her damn yap! She just starts talking and doesn't freaking stop.

I should add some bg on my mom... She was molested from the age of 7 until she was 17. I do believe mostly (99%) by her Dad. She married my dad at 17 and that's when shit stopped for her. It took her many years to over come the bs she went through. She eventually forgave my grandpa. I have always had a
relationship with my grandpa, all though I have NEVER been alone with him. The relationship I have with my grandpa is not what you would call extremely close.. In fact we only ever saw him once a year or 2.

OK. So a little bg on Uncle. From what I am to understand he supposedly molested 2 female cousins when they were young and he 13. ( now I say supposedly because well my Aunt cousins mom (crazy) is a drama queen.) neither of my cousins claim to remember any of the molestation.

He was arrested for sex with a minor (15) and lewd acts in front of a minor.( he flashed a lady and there were kids near)

My OK memory..... He was released at one point and I went with a family friend to retrieve Uncle from the bus station. I was maybe 12. (Nothing happened I was safe with family friend). Well he lasted 3 days out of jail and got him self re-arrested. Sex with a minor (17).

Since then I have had NO contact or relationship with him at all. He was released a few days ago. When he called my mom they started talking about her life. She told him she was a grandma to a 2 year old little girl .. He auto knew it would be me. He guessed and she confirmed. He asked if I was married, she said no but then told him I was engaged. He asked if I did drugs she said no, and told him I refuse to even be friends with any one who does drugs.

This was the extent of her conversation with him. I called her and explained I was upset with her. Explained why. She apologized sincerely. (She mentioned to him all her kids are with her in TN. Forgot to mention how she told him my state).

She very rarely has my DD alone. All though this past week with all my pre term labor issues she has watched DD for me to rest. She is eight times out of ten great with my boundaries. I only have to tell her once to mind her manors so to speak, and she corrects herself.

My children will never be around either of these men. I don't want to have a relationship with either man. If I were to see either of them it would only be my grandfather. If I were to see him my children would not be out of my sight. (Which might I add is the only way we were ever allowed around my Grandpa, My Dad was always in the same room as us kids.)
I have explained to my mother that I am not OK with her talking to him about me at all. I also explained that if he should ask her response should be "we're fine Bean dip?"

My mom needs to be taught how to bean dip?.
She did not offer us up to her abuser. This is not at all how I see it. We saw my grandpa once every 2-3 years and for maybe an hour at the most. We were NEVER left alone or out of the sight of my Father the entire visit.
I would not say my mom is unsafe, I would however say that she is blind to the way other people view her world.
I know that as I type this out I may get flamed pretty bad. BUT I'm going to tell you any ways.
A few months ago in March, my parents took a trip to Florida. I loaned them my van because it has more room and is better on gas. I allowed them to take my DD with them to visit extended family. I had to work a very whacked out schedule that weekend so it worked out in my favor. *I lived with my parents at the time*
So off they went to visit family. From what I remember *baby brain takes a toll today* They visited my Dad's Mom, and my mom's cousins... and my grandpa.***I had no problem with this at the time because I was not here reading and I never until yesterday saw him as a pedo.***

((Allow me to explain a little further. I was thinking about how I had always seen my grandpa as just that my grandpa. Until yesterday when I first typed this all out. Yesterday it dawned upon me that I allowed my parents to take my 2 year old DD to FLORIDA while I stayed behind in TENNESSEE.. They took her 3 freaking states away to see my Pedophile grandpa.)) Allow me to just say that I had a panic attack when I realized I allowed them to do this with my freaking permission.))

My mom and I have talked quite a bit over the last two days. I explained to her that my view of the world has severely changed. I explained to her that she needed to understand and see things from my point of view to understand how why I got so upset with her. I explained that where she sees her brother I see a pedo. Where she sees her dad and I used to see my grandpa, now I see a pedo. We talked about other things for a while so as not to harp on the subject.  

When we touched on the subject again my Mom Sincerely apologized for not understanding at first. She also apologized for volunteering information to my Uncle, and that she would not do it again.

I feel like I am missing something in this post but I can not figure it out right now... So When I do I will post again...
Now that I am grown and see the world through my own eyes... I agree it was completely messed up. I also agree it makes my stomach twinge to know that BEFORE I was here and had my eyes opened... I allowed my Baby Girl to be that close to danger. 

We were allowed to give him a hug. No we did not sit in his lap at any time. The hugs were no longer than a quick pat on the back.

*eta* Our "Normal Meters" are broken.

Family friend was a 6ft something US Marine *very freaking scary btw*.

As for Grandpa popping up... My Mom explained to us ALL the time *like every freaking day until I was  17ish* about what Grandpa did and that he was not safe to be around alone EVER.

I know my Mom would turn them away. We actually discussed this exact scene. LOL I explained to her and she already knows...


*eta* My momma knows that if I say no the answer is no and if she breaks my rules shit gets UGLY. :-)

SO this morning at 6:30am I got a call that made me want to give up on all males in my life.
I found out that the only true Uncle I've ever known ruined any chance of ever being in my life again.
I was called and informed that he raped my 15 year old step cousin.
I am heart broken for her. I feel so horrible that she had to go through this at all.

I am emotionally drained and confused. All I can think is WTF.

  I have been around this one since I was little. This is  his first offense. He makes me sick. I'm heart broken and relieved at the same time. Heart broken that he did this, relieved that he will never have a chance to do it again.

Yes, all of the uncles and Aunts here are the children of Pedo GPA. In Fact I only have 1 Uncle (R) who Never offended. My children will never get to know him though because he hung himself. (I was told out of depression for things not related to pedo, I can't remember much I was 10ish.)

NO way in Hell will my children EVER be around these people. My mom knows they get NOTHING! If they ask questions they get the standard answer "they are fine".

Released Uncle (J) was 13 for his first offense (cousin) 19 for his second offense never charged (Aunt G), and then from what I understand he offended again (his age 19-25) His last offense was in 2001 making him 30.

My Cousin never sought help because she does not even remember any thing that happened to her she was extremely young like 4. She does not go around GPA, nor does she actively seek a relationship with him.
Aunt (A) HATES GPA. She blames any thing and every thing EVER gone wrong in her life on GPA, even when there is no relation to it or him at all. I consider myself CO from Aunt A for her own special brand of crazy.

I do realize that my mom's talking meant shit in keeping me safe, all it did was help her "heal" from her situations.

I spent 95% of yesterday pissed off for my Step Cousin. She has already been through so much in her life. This is not the first time she has had to deal with being raped. (She was in a different state when the first go round happened with someone she knew) This time (IDK what to call it) She knew my Uncle W and he used her already fragile state and need for affection against her.(((She is getting the help she needs, therapy and what ever else she may need or want)))

Just an FYI. I consider my self CO from Uncles (J) and (W), GPA, and Aunt A. 

Honestly there is so so so so much more I could post if I could remember at the moment. It is extremely hard for me to realize that ALL I knew, is FUCKED UP. That the people I grew up knowing were NOT safe at all. It seems to be a family curse on the men.

I am confused how to feel about any thing right now. I am overemotional and at this point can't stop crying. I have no clue why I am crying. I'm going to stop here for now and try to go back to sleep before my DD wakes up for the day.

 Beginning to feel like Pedophilia runs in my family

I'm FAT so I must be extra Special!

LO ~ Little One  GD ~ Gestational Diabetes  DD ~ Dear Daughter  US ~ Ultra Sound

So I am over weight, and pregnant. I know this. Apparently my Doctors office has changed the way they handle Pregnant Over weight patients. Not that I mind too much as long as Baby and I are healthy.

I now get to see my OB twice a week. I honestly do not know if they are doing this for patients who are not as far along. I guess I might have asked that question, had I thought of it then.

First appointment I will be monitored for 15 to 30 minutes (on the baby monitor), then seen by my OB for the rest of my check up.

My second appointment I will get an ultra sound to check for 4 things. They will check LO's Breathing, heart rate, Fluids around LO, and something else I honestly can not remember.

Is there any one else whose Doctors changing up the way Doctors appointments go?

*Trigger Mentioned*
My OB told me it is specifically because I am over weight.  Doc listed off a few things. He said being over weight increases the chances of **Trigger** stillborn, GD, "Bigger Babies", and extremely small babies.
I am 5'3 weighing in at 290 exactly since my appointment on the 17th.

My Ideal weight range would be 131-147 (according to those stupid online things) so doing the math I am apx. 143 lbs over weight.

I have always been a rather large lady.
I know I don't have GD. I don't know what all is going on with the office or other patients. I honestly don't care. I guess it could just be my OB that is instating the change in how they handle patients.

I was overweight with my DD 2 years ago also. They didn't change my care at all. I LOVE my OB and would recommend any pregnant mom to them.

I don't know whats up. I thought it was different and a little weird. I didn't think about the age thing either... I am 25 now. Hmm I might have some more questions for my
Doctor on my next appointment :-)

I have asked about my weight gain at a few appointments because I was a little concerned. I have gained 23 lbs my entire pregnancy. I even went for a few appointments where I had LOST weight. My OB (1 of 4 that I can see) stated that my weight gain was OK and not to worry too much about it.

 I guess I just assumed that I if was high risk my Doc would have mentioned it. I am not looking forward to Double the cervical checks. I get 1 more now than when I was just visiting once a week.

I'm not sure my Vagina can take the "Pressure". lol

 I am looking forward to the extra pics! *(HOPEFULLY)* I guess I was just curious to see if any one else has had to deal with the new/sudden change.  IDK about opting out of Cervical checks. I am already 3cm dilated and 30-60% (Two different OBs opinion on how thinned out I am) thinned out.

 After talking with my doctor during my second appointment I was informed that I would have to take the GD twice. I passed both tests... I even told my OB how I was CRAVING sweets.

I am completely comfortable with my OB. Cervical checks for me started hmmm 9/25/13. I have had one every appointment since to check for dilation and thinning.

I LOVE the idea of more pictures of my LO before birth! Never thought of it that way.

 I have never felt more comfortable with any doctor like I do with my OBs. I always feel extremely relaxed in the office and after. I believe any of my OBs could handle the craziest.  I agree with the first impression thing too.

I am planning a Vaginal if all goes well and it is medically possible. (meaning both of us will be safe).

 I never really thought about the US being inaccurate. Hmm. I now have more to think about. I don't understand much about why the OB wants me in twice a week. I honestly didn't even give it much thought until I posted here asking if any one else has had to deal with this situation.

*From a Friend*  I highly recommend this group:


 I will in fact right now look into that page.

I had a vaginal birth with DD and the OBs know I plan to have a vaginal birth with DS. Its Bold and underlined in my charts :-)

Again you wonderful ladies have given me food for thought. I plan to eat up the info you have given me because, well I like to know what is going on.

I don't actually mind the extra cervical checks. Were it not for the one I had on 9/28 I would not have known I had a yeast infection or a slight bacterial infection.  I never even thought of the possibility that the extra Doctors visits could be excessive; But if there is nothing wrong with me then why add them?

I must say I do not feel discriminated against at all. My OBs do not treat me as though I am sickly, and until this last appointment every thing has been the same as it was with DD.

The biggest difference is that I had been choosing to see Dr.B (female). I totally love her bedside manner. She is amazing and gets my whack a doodle sense of humor. She left last week for a two week vacation or something. So I was scheduled to meet with Dr. L (male), I have seen him before and he is a great doctor and I feel extremely comfortable with him.

My next two appointments are with Dr. R for the monitoring days and Dr. L for the U/S days.
When I was pregnant with DD I estimate my weight to be around 217 before I knew I was pregnant. By Feb. at exactly 39 weeks I was 267 lbs. a 50lb difference. *I will add that by the time I was finally able to see an OB I was 5 months pregnant and dealing with being homeless and having a cyst at the base of my neck* **no worries about the cyst any more seems like it has always been there**

For the most part I want to say that my OBs don't bring up my weight unless I express concern. *I was concerned with gaining too much weight, seeing as how I was craving nothing but sweets and am/was already overweight* I have asked at most appointments if I am gaining or losing any weight. I am told immediately how much gain or loss compared to the last visit, and whether or not it is "safe".

I do believe I will ask my Doc if I am considered high risk just to be sure. This just started for me. There was no US since the gender/health check US. I am not sure if maybe it was a week thing I will have to ask on Monday.

I am positive they are not leaving any thing out they tell me every thing going on that I know of. I also walk my own chart back to the receptionist when I schedule my next appointment. So I have a chance to look over every thing in the chart before I give it back. I usually look at the chart every visit and if I have any questions I ask and they are answered in a timely manner.

** Friend** I took your suggestion and posted in the group you linked. Not too much has been said yet but I am keeping an eye out. I was also directed to check out wellroundedmomma.com

So far I have written down a few questions to ask the Doc before I make any decisions as far as opting out of things.
  1. Am I high risk?
  2. What is LO measuring at?
  3. Are these visits just precautionary or do they start at a certain week in my pregnancy? 
That is all I have so far if I happen to think of more or if you all suggest any more I will gladly add them to my list of curiosities.

*A list of helpful links*




My Past.. is History.

A story from my past because I can't sleep and just spent the last 2 hours doing dishes and laundry so this is my break...

When I was about 9 my brother 2 at the time woke up at 6 am got a broom and unlocked all 5 locks on the front door. He then walked about a block and a half away while my WHOLE house slept!

An Older Gentleman found him wandering around playing in mud puddles... He walked down our road *AFTER* he called the police, and found our front door wide open... He walked up to the door and knocked REALLY loud. I woke up first and answered it. He asked if I had a little brother? I said Yes I have two. He then asked me to check and see if they were in their room... I did and realized my Youngest was missing!

I asked him if he knew where he was the man said yes he did, at his house! I asked him to allow me to get some shoes on and I would follow him home. He agreed. Well my 9 year old brain didn't tell me to wake my mom, I hopped on my bike and rode down the street with a complete stranger and gathered my 2 year old brother up and went back home... about 15 minutes later after I woke my mom up and told her what had happened... KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK POLICE!

My brothers and I then spent 2 years in foster care because my mom was too lazy to clean.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

After Birth - The Lemon Clot Essay (by Sharon1964)

The Lemon Clot Essay (by Sharon1964)

You will be leaking out of places you don't want to leak out of. Do you really want to stand up from the couch and have your father's parents see that not only have you bled through your pad, but the blood is now running down your leg. Do you really want to say, "honey, can you come with me to the bathroom, I am bleeding all over and I feel a huge blood clot coming out"... in front of them? Contrast that to "mom, I need your help please, now, I'm bleeding all over!" Does your husband really understand the volume of stuff that will be coming out of you, the possibility of lemon-sized clots of blood? Not 2-dimensional lemon-sized, but huge, round, 3-dimensional lemon-sized?

How many bathrooms do you have? If only one, do you REALLY want to have to make it "guest-level clean" every time you leave it? Do you really want this gang of people ogling your diaper-sized pads, peribottle, tucks pads, and all the other supplies that will be in the bathroom? Even if you have two bathrooms, that means you can't use the main bathroom, because you still have to leave it "guest-level clean" every time you use it.

Do they really plan to do something other than hold the baby, pass the baby around, and sit around expecting you guys to wait on them? Are they going to sit and stare at you? Thirty minutes after they arrive, and baby wants to breastfeed, are they going to quickly and willingly LEAVE your home so that you can breastfeed in the privacy and comfort of your space? Or are they going to hang around outside, waiting for you to be done, and knocking every so often wanting to know if they can come back in? Yeah, that's great for breastfeeding.

Or better yet, are they going to blow you off, saying "it's no big deal", and expect you to breastfeed in front of them? Even experienced moms need several weeks of practice to get good at it, so to speak, so that they can breastfeed wherever they want. Learning to breastfeed is not a time for people to ogle and stare at you.

When your breasts are engorged and painful and you want NOTHING to touch them, what then? Does your DH think it will be okay for his dad to stare at your huge naked breasts as you walk around topless?

What if your birth is smack in the middle of their trip? So what are they going to do the first few days, before baby? Are they going to sit and stare at you, waiting for the big moment? Then what? Are they going to camp out in your hospital room every day, all day? Yeah, that's great for resting. What happens when you leave the hospital and they beat you to your own home, and all you want to do is lay down in your own bed? Are they going to leave graciously, or are they going to sit in your living room, eating your food, messing up your house, and making noise, so you can't nap?

Does your DH normally allow people to invite themselves over to visit you guys without even ASKING? You guys are setting yourselves up for a lifetime of this. Then you will be blamed when you try to tell them that it is not a good time for you.

Does your DH understand ANY of these things?? Does he not understand that it is NOT about entertaining guests, but about recovery from a major medical procedure (either vaginal or c-section)? Does he not understand that you just grew another human being in your body, and will have just gone through the process of getting it out?? This is going to be an exhausting, messy, wildly hormonal time. Does he not get that??


Who Can Even be on the List to be Considered to Stay at Your Home After Childbirth by Sharon1964

You know, nobody gets to stay in your home after birth unless they are helpful. So is his mother going to.... wash your bloody underwear in the sink? Clean and disinfect your toilet and perhaps the bathroom floor after you spend time in there? Clean up lemon size blood clots that come out of your vagina if you need help? Get hot washcloths and lay them on your naked engorged breasts? Hold a cold wet washcloth on the back of your neck when you break out in a sweat all over?

Is she going to cook for you and clean for you and do the laundry, and make sure you are stocked with diapers and wipes and clean blankets? Is she going to allow you to breastfeed in private in your own living room by either going to her room or going outside? Is she going to allow you to pick up your own crying baby? Is she going to ASK you if you would like her to get the baby for you since you may be sore? Is she going to disappear when you want alone time with your new baby and your husband? Is she going to refrain from giving you advice but instead ask you what you need?

And what's his dad going to do? Is he going to cut the grass and take out the garbage and make runs to the store for juice and milk? Is he going to wash the car or walk the dog or change the cat litter box?

No? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Gift Rules

OK Parents! I have a few questions for you :-)  Have you heard of a Gift Rule? Do you have any gift giving rules?

 I learned about a gift rule today that I thought was pretty nifty/thrifty.  It is called the 4 gift rule. You can purchase 4 gifts, that is it (I am betting it would work for kids and adults). Here is how it works.  You can purchase 1 gift they want, 1 gift they need, 1 gift they can wear, and 1 gift they can read! This is by far the coolest thought I have read in a while.

Imagine how many kids might be inspired to read because of this? I bet this could work for holidays and birthdays and just because days too.

 And what about buying gifts for your local church, or needy family? This 4 gift rule could be awesome down the road if you shop year round for things like this...

How cool would it be to teach your children, friends and family to buy gifts every year to give away to Toys for Tots or another organization. I know there are a ton out there. Including the Angel Tree Project.

What if we as parents made the decision to help someone out because they needed the help? What if we as parents made the decision to teach our children to be charitable, unspoiled citizens? 

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Thank You Poems from the Baby

Not having a baby shower but still want a cute way to thank the gift givers? I have googled these poems below. Copy and pasted the ones I liked the best.

Poem 1  
Here is the poem… Thank you! I’m sorry I couldn’t be there, But I’m not quite ready yet. God is painting my eyes, nose and cheeks And soon I’ll be all set. Though I wasn’t there to thank you, For the lovely gifts you brought, My family is grateful We appreciate the thought. We pray the Lord will bless you For your generosity And when I’m born into this world Please come and visit me! My mom is very blessed To know each one of you. We want to say we love you And Jesus loves you too!
See you soon…
Love, (Baby’s Name)
Poem 2
I can't wait to meet you all, Soon I'll be on my way
To join my mommy and daddy, At home where I will stay.

They're working hard to prepare, A safe place for me to lay
Where I will grow up healthy and strong, For this is what they pray.

Even though I'm not here yet, There's something I want to say Thank you very much for coming, On this very Special Day!!

Love, Baby ________

Poem 3 
I hope that you will stay a while and make my mommy (And daddy) smile.

And although I cant be here today there is something I would like to say....thank you for all your gifts and wishes and please help mommy with the dishes.
the baby

Poem 4 
This Special Day
Thank you for sharing this special day,
I'm sorry I had to stay away.
But I may be a little longer,
'Cos I have to grow much stronger.
Thank you for your love and wishes,
I'd like to shower you with kisses.

( I used Poem 4 :-) I revised it a little to suit my needs as I did not have a baby shower.)
Poem 5 
I'd like to say, though I'm not here yet
thank you for the gifts I'll get
And thank you from my parents, too
for all the gifts in pink and blue
My closet was empty, my belongings were few
but that's all changed now, thanks to you!

Poem 6 
I'm really glad that you could come to my baby shower. I'm sorry I could not join you, but you see I'm very busy preparing myself so my mommy and daddy will be proud of me. Soon the stork will leave me with all of the gifts you have brought. I am so thrilled and appreciate the thought. Be sure to come and greet me as soon as I get here, but be sure to give my parents time to dress me ever so dear.

Poem 7 
I'm really glad that you could come
And help surprise my mother
sit down, relax, enjoy yourselves
and chat with one another
Sorry I can't be with you
to join in Mommy's shower
But I'm very busy you see
I'm growing more each hour
Though I'm not there to thank you
for the lovely gifts you've brought
my family is grateful
we appreciate the thought
I'll be arriving shortly
and I'm as happy as can be
so, after I've been home awhile
please come and visit me

Poem 8 
Thank you for attending today although I'm not yet here.
I'm more than a twinkle in my
parents' eyes, and thank you
for thinking of me.

Feel free to 'oh-ah' and 'ah-ha'
and talk of how 'perfect'
I am when I finally appear.

I promise to make you think of
the 'joys of children'
when you visit me after I arrive!

Thank you so very much. 

Poem 9

Our sincere thanks
For choosing a baby gift so sweet
And sending the kind of wish
That made the thought complete.
Poem 10
Yirmiyahu is my name
Trouble making Is my game
But polite I also must be

So Respectfully I say
In a most polite way
Thanks for the gift You sent me
Poem 11 
I'd like to take a moment, from my babbling and cooing
And all the important stuff we babies are busy doing,
To thank you so much for your thoughtful present
It sure made my welcome here all the more pleasant,
I'm enjoying your gift; it makes me look really handsome,
My Daddy and Mommy are enjoying time with me and then some,
Thanks so much for your ______ gift which I'll surely treasure
May we only share in great joy together;
Poem 12
Thank you so much for the gift
and especially the gift receipt
Your taste is quite abominable
Although your thought is sweet.
So excuse me now, while off I dash
It's time to return it
For the cash!

Friday, September 20, 2013

Barest Baby Needs.

Preparing for your LO can be UN-nerving and sometimes down right stressful! So How do we prepare for bringing home a newborn? What do we buy when there is so much baby gear out there? What is an absolute NEED?

Yep that's right an actual post about what you will need to take care of your new born infant. You do not need every thing on this list, that is the beauty of it. It should help give you an idea about what you as a parent feel you will need for your little one.

Clothing and Layette ((for the most part I agree with this part))

    5-8 Onesies, rompers, or other soft outfits, depending on how often you want to do laundry
    3-4 baby sleepers or sleep sacks
    5-7 pairs of baby socks
    1-2 newborn hats, depending on climate

Diapers and Bath Items ((I used a ton of baby wipes so I bought the Walmart brand 3pk for 5$ (rounding up) I nibbles my DD's nails short. I used Adult towels))

    2 packs of disposable diapers or enough cloth diapers for at least two days. Newborns can go through 10 to 12 diapers a day!
    1 pack of disposable wipes or 12 cloth wipes
    Waterproof pad for diaper changes
    3-5 baby washcloths
    1-2 hooded towels, if desired. Adult towels will work, too.
    1 bottle of gentle baby wash
    Baby nail clippers
    Digital thermometer

Bedding and Feeding ((I had a TON (20-35) blankets/receiving blankets that I used in my DD's bassinet instead of sheets. I used old clothes for burp clothes or a blanket when I was out and about..))

    3-4 fitted sheets for crib, cradle, cosleeping bassinet or traditional bassinet
    3-5 lightweight blankets or swaddlers
    1-2 heavier blankets, depending on climate
    10 burp cloths
    5-8 bottles, if you're bottle feeding
    Breastfeeding pillow, if desired

Gear and Furniture (( This is spot on with baby gear.)) ((I didn't have a baby bath for my DD I just laid her a towel and sponge bathed her until she was big enough for the bath tub))

    Car seat
    Crib, cradle, bassinet, or other safe sleep space for baby.

Where I found the list Above.

Also I bought all of my receiving blankets and any other blankets I could use for an infant at consignment shops and yard sales I think in total I spent 15$ or less on about 50 ish blankets. I also had to do my laundry once a week to once every 2 weeks at a laundry mat.

Monday, September 16, 2013

25 Promises I made my Future Husband

So shortly after my Fiance and I moved in together I got creative one night and wrote down a few promises I wanted to make to him. and proceeded to tape them all over our apartment for him to find.

I feel the need to share that list with you all :-)

All of these begin with I promise...
  1.  To tell you exactly what I like all of the time.
  2. To love our children more than you until they are sleeping then it's just you and me.
  3. To pray for you every day that you receive guidance and strength.
  4. To tell you I love you every chance I get.
  5. To do my best not to mother or smother you.
  6. I will hold my temper in check.
  7. To always tell you when your wrong. 
  8. To always stand by your side right or wrong.
  9. To surprise you often as I can with my affections.
  10. Not to be indecisive on any decisions.
  11. To ALWAYS leave you notes and letters all over our home.
  12. To be nice and hospitable to your friends even when I don't want to be.
  13. To give you guy time with your friends.
  14. To be the best woman you'll ever love.
  15. To never go to sleep angry with you.
  16. To be open and honest about everything including my past.
  17. To play video games with you every so often.
  18. To keep your secrets and love you even more when you hurt me.
  19. To be the best wife ever.
  20. To keep a clean house.
  21. To never cheat.
  22. To keep track of all our letters and notes so we can show our children one day how much in love we are.
  23. To always have a hot meal ready for you.
  24. To always make sure you have clean laundry.
  25. To always tell you exactly what is on my mind even if it hurts or scares me.
These promises are now taped in to a note book that DF and I started to write in. They are not in any special order at all. I plan to go through them soon and re-wright them and post them about our new home.

Honestly this was just something cute I thought I would share.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Hospital Bag... and Meeting the Newborn

I was just making my get ready for LO lists and decided to type it out some. I am a bare necessities kind of girl so I don't need a whole lot. There are some people who like to take more than what I am taking but hey to each their own right :-)

What I am planning on packing...

For me Bag...

Phone Charger & Phone
Kindle & Charger
Socks ~ I remember my feet being cold last go round at the hospital..
Shampoo and Conditioner
Tooth Brush and Tooth Paste
Hairbrush and Hair Ties
Notebook & Pens & Highlighters ~I don't like the idea of having a lot of MY stuff at the hospital that can easily get trashed or ruined. So Every thing I am bringing (except my blanket and pillow) I care nothing about. Including my notebook. (its not my baby book that could easily get something spilled on it or misplaced.
Bra and Tank Tops
Sponge-bob P.J. Pants
Flip Flops
Blue Blanket (for me)
New Pack of Panties
Non Perishable Snacks
Chap stick 
3 Extra bags for carry home ~I am planning on 3 extra bags because some how I always seem to end up with more than I came with...3 extra bags helps for those family members that bring UNEXPECTED gifts or random crap lol :-) I have some good sized cloth bags that fold up nice and small (like shopping bags you can buy for 1.00 or more) and don't take up much space.  Not to mention some people *(Like ME)* just don't feel like repacking it neatly for the go home and the extra bags help me in finding a place to put stuff.

Just remember this is MY list of things I know I will want and WILL use. Not every one has to have the same items... :-)

Here are a few links that might help others. I personally like the Layout of the 3rd link by Similac...
My suggestion is to look at a few lists and decide what is going to work best for you...
Because lets face it ladies not all of us are haveing an easy peasy vaginal birth...
Some of us might need to pack a little more than others to feel comfortable.
I would like to also say that I will have and extra bag packed with more clothes for me in the trunk of my car. Just in Case!





Baby Bag...

2 Outfits
2 Hats
2 Blankets
Car seat (installed in the car)

 I am about to pop a kid the List I am working on right now is my Meet the kid rules...

What are some of your meet the newborn rules? I only really have a few that are a must.
Both my parents and Future Mother In Law smoke. (non boundary stomping FMIL so far) (My Parents know better because I'm the daughter that will tell them to GTFO)

Rules For Hospital and Home
  1. No Smoking around my LO. 
  2. Wash up and sanitize before holding or touching LO. (this was all I had) (its still growing)
  3. Must change shirt if you smoke before holding LO.
  4. Do not put your fingers in LO's Mouth
  5. Do not kiss my Newborn on the face or hands.
  6. If you have been sick in the last 10 days please stay away. 
  8. No perfume. (if you must have your perfume please visit later in the day when it wont be so strong).
  9. Do not invite others to come with you unless it is approved by Mommy or Daddy.
  10. No visits last longer than 30 minutes unless otherwise specified
  11. CALL BEFORE COMING OVER ALWAYS! (I may not want visitors.)

This is really all I've got.  Is there something I am missing that I can add to my list? I put this question to the wonderful ladies I talk to somewhere else on the internet AITF...

I was reminded of third hand smoke... And now have Rule # 3 You must change your shirt before holding LO.

But to keep my request from sounding rude I will be buying some over sized White T shirts and creating a your a New grandparent uncle or what ever shirt! (giggles in uber excitement) I was just thinking on my *gift* I will bag it up nice with a (home made) Congrats on the "new baby" Card.

I think it will be a fun way to get people to change their clothes or at least shirts before meeting my newborn (at least at the hospital) *(I will be keeping a stack of large or extra large t-shirts for people to change in to to hold my LO.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Whine whine wine?

I am so stressed out right now.
I am so mad and hurt right now.
I am so sick of video games. fucking seriously! He spent ALL FUCKING DAY playing video games.
He woke up at 3am yesterday and played video games and then He stayed in the chair and slept for about 2 hours and when he woke up he played until 3am this morning...3 AM THIS MORNING!
I didn't even get to sleep next to Him because he decided that staying in that DAMN CHAIR was more fun!
I am hurt because it is now 4:14 am I can't sleep and I just want to cry! you know what what ever. I am sorry I even brought it up.  I give up...no use in saying it over and over. He listens just enough to tell me what I want to hear I love Him so much I really really do He is my every thing.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

I guess it's a Pity Party for me.

I'm in bed next to DF and all I want to do is cry. I feel so lonely. I just want him to hold me and he doesn't want to be touched:-( I feel like a failure at life for losing my job. I'm pretty sure I'm depressed and too embarrassed to tell any one but Internet strangers. I really want to spend the weekend with just my DF and no one else :-/ I just want some intimacy... And a job. No ones gonna hire the girl who only has 74 days left of pregnancy :-( I'm ruining our lives. We're going to loose every thing.! Ahhhhh It literally feels like he doesn't like me anymore. "Like" sounds so immature but there is no other way to describe it. I know that he loves me. Just feels like he does things because he has to not because he wants to.

Like I've been hit by a Mac truck :-( my tummy is tight and so is my back and chest... Ugh it's soooo uncomfortable!

 That I really wish I could find a job. Seriously I'm crying over here because of some of the posts I have read recently. Damn it I just want to be able to provide for my family. I'm tired of feeling like a drain on every one. I just feel like such a failure. Ugh damn hormones amplifying the depressing mood I'm in.

I didn't get the experience of a baby shower with my first lo :-/ and it kinda broke my heart. But that was 2 years ago and I didn't know any one in the town I had just moved to... I've been here 2 years now made some friends but still feel kinda awkward about wanting to invite the few friends I've made to a baby shower... Because if I have one this go round I'll have to throw it my self. Is this OK to do or does it shout gimme gimme gimme. I really just want to be able to celebrate my new baby with my family and friends. But I'm so confused.

 As much as I wanted a baby shower I am not having one. With me just losing my job I just can't afford it and honestly I don't know any one here in Tennessee well enough to throw me one.
I have bought 90% of the things I need for LO second hand. Or had them given to me. I only need to buy a few more things over the next few months and I will have every thing I need. So far the only thing I am worried about is finding a bassinet or playpen with the bassinet insert. I live in a TINY 2 bedroom trailer and there is hardly enough room for the Items we do have.

Ugh Sigh yawn. I guess I still feel a little cheated out of that celebration that I have seen all of my friends have... Poor Pitiful me. *guess I needed a little pity party.*

Doctors appointments Yay!

This is sounds all over the place to me. Have fun reading!

I had my regular OB doc check up today at 1:30pm... But this is so not when my day started. My day started out with my Daddy bringing DD breakfast, and me my mail :-)

OK so DD has breakfast and I have my mail FF through some movies and naps. So relaxing YAY! So Any ways, I asked my dad if he wanted to spend time with DD. I offered to buy them lunch if he kept her for my trip to the doctors. (3 hours tops includes driving) He said OK I said YAY!

After every one was ready and dressed to go I walked out side to see a baby swing set up and waiting in my front yard. (This actually upsets me because it was from my Land Lady and former friend... She just set it up out side in my yard no text no call nothing not even a knock on the door. Yes I knew she was going to bring it over "sometime")(guess you could say I am still upset of the events of that)
So on to the Doctor appointment: I got there on time and it went as follows!
1:30 sign in
1:45 call back, pee in cup, get weight and heart rate (for me)...
1:55 get put in room and wait over an hour to see my baby doc! (I am very understanding as my baby doc was with an infant patient) (and I LOVE MY DOCTOR!)
3:00 Baby doc comes in measures me and then checks LO's heart rate... LO's heart rate was 120 the first time and 158 the second time so guess who gets hooked up to the MOM machine? That is right me! For 15 minutes to check LO's heart rate. lol Apparently LO gets REAL REAL excited when our DOC listens to his heart beat because he had a normal heart rate (on MOM) and found it entertaining to KICK the silly monitor!

OH and Doc said I could schedule an induction... Hmm Thoughts any one?
Every thing is fine and Doc says we can go! yay us! We finally walk our the door and it is 4:00!
We head to subway and order 1 chicken bacon ranch and 1 apple-wood pulled pork sandwich each and OMG they were so so so good!

so essentially my 3 hour day lasted 5 ! Holy crap that was a long day for me!

 With my DD I was induced at exactly 39 weeks because... Well I was a FTM (First Time Mom) to start, I had started having contractions at 4 am on 1/31/11 and by 8 am on 1/31/11 they were 5 minutes apart. Went to L&D was hooked up monitored and my OB said they were going to start the process at 2 am on 2/1/11 because being (appx. because I can't remember) 3-5 cm dilated and nothing was happening except contractions pretty irregular and then regular for about 15-30 minutes... Doc said if I want I can pick an induction date up to 1 week before my due date...

Feeling Defeated

In the last 4 days I have been emotionally beaten to a bloody pulp. Day one my DCS case worker called and informed me that she was taking ...