Monday, July 15, 2013

Red Flags! SHUT IT DOWN!

All of these Red Flags are compliments of wonderful women who have helped me see threw the BS of those I blindly followed. 

Ever hear the term RED FLAG and wonder to your self are there any red flags in my life with my family or with my children?  WELL HERE IS THE LIST!!

 (LO) Little one (PIL) Parent In Law (MIL) Mother In Law (TO) Time Out

ANYONE saying they need LO's attention to be happy, complete, get through their day etc.

ANYONE calling LO 'my baby' that didn't partake in conceiving said child (Repeated several times for reinforcement)

When your mom or MIL "accidentally" refer to themselves as Mama or Mommy. My mother has done this on more than one occasion. 

Anyone needing alone time with baby to "bond"

Anybody inviting themselves over to the ultrasound, other than husband or boyfriend.

Anybody who had no interest in you at all as a person...and then you conceived and now they're being sugary sweet.

Anybody who uses guilt, crying, etc to get access to your baby.

ANYONE who took no interest in you before getting pregnant.  AKA all of a sudden your MIL(Mother In Law) starts inviting you out to lunch, and then only wants to talk about baby stuff.  Never mind the other things you try to bring up in conversation, those are blown off.

ANYONE calling your baby "our baby" or "my baby."  This should be stopped immediately. I usually turn to my Hubby when PIL ask how "their babies" are doing and ask him to tell them how he is.  After repeated conversations about the topic between PIL and Hubby, FIL continues to do it and so he is TO.

PIL (parent In Laws) asking about parenting classes for grandparents to attend.  MIL asked if there were any that I knew about, so she would know what to do in case both babies were crying.  PIL don't need to know about those things, they just need to know about short visits with babies. BABIES NEED THEIR PARENTS NOT THEIR GRANDPARENTS.

PIL who tell you to "get used" to making more for dinner, because they will just be "showing up."  Immediately shut this down.  Reestablish boundaries.  Ugh.

PIL who take it upon themselves to share personal information, US photos, etc...without permission.  Stop the info train and TO (Time Out) from any pregnancy information.

PIL who tell you point blank about how they boundary stomped with their other grandchildren.  Hubby and I were just staring at's like, OK thank you for reinforcing our feelings toward you.  And just for that, you will not be left alone with my children.

When ANYONE wants to take the LO for a "sleep over" if they're 12months and under.

When ANYONE says they're going to give LO sugar or foods that cause allergic reaction and justify that because they're THE grandparent, aunt, uncle, etc.

 When they start looking at houses in your town or in your neighbor hood.

When you hear a lot of "my friends get to do such & such with their grand kids".

Anyone who calls your child 'our baby' or 'my baby'

Inviting themselves into the delivery room.

Asking for an extra key to your house 'just in case' you might need them to stop by for anything.

Furnishing a nursery for their own house with the expectation baby will be there that often

 "I bought a used crib for my house!" 

"Thank you for my baby." - upon announcing pregnancy

"I'm your other Mommy." - to child

anyone who takes it upon themselves to buy their own car seat for THEIR vehicle, assuming they will be going wherever they please with you newborn. Yeah right!!

 Threatening CPS calling if you "keep the baby" from them......

 "You're breast feeding?! Why?! How long?! Aren't you going to use formula so LO and I can bond?!"

  anyone who tries to tell you that Anything is more important than your baby's schedule.

When people start telling you *their* expectations for your unborn child or infant (or telling and not asking about anything, really)...

"I can't wait to (do random thing) with them!" as if it's a given and their "right".

Wanting alone time is a big one.

Complaining about the lack of said alone time interfering with "their bond" with your baby is more so.

Trying to do all care-taking duties when visiting, as if you're not "supposed to" touch your own child if they are around.
When the baby's needs "can wait" because the person "needs" their fix.  IE... "he can sleep in the car, it's our time now!"  Um, no.
asking for lo's ssn for any reason!
Trying to insert themselves into baby's personal care, i.e. baths, diaper changes.

Complaints about baby being "attached" to mom (of course baby wants mom, you dick knuckle. That's how it SHOULD be).

 When they ask "why didn't you pump so we can feed the baby?"

When they change their work schedule and assume that you'll use them as daycare when you return to work. Ummm No.

When they talk to the baby as if you're not there.

Anytime they say "we won't tell Mommy about that. It'll be our secret." HUGE red flag! 

Walking off with LO into another room during visits. Drives me nuts. "I just wanted quiet time together."

Trying to take any "firsts," ie I was nice enough to invite you to the pool, don't assume you are the one going in with LO.

Bonding that people wanted to do with MY baby. 

When LO'd cry, trying to keep LO from me because LO was "too attached," and I was "spoiling LO," and LO had to get used to other people.

GOING OFF ALONE WITH MY LO IS UNACCEPTABLE !! You can bond with your grandchildren without being alone with them.

"I have rights you know."

"My friend gets to blah blah blah with their grand kids."

"You're so overprotective."

 BUYING a larger vehicle "so 3 car-seats could fit across" and an RV with bunk beds "for the grandchildren" without discussing it with us. Hell no!

 Buying firsts is a huge I-want-this-to-be-my-do-over-baby red flag, imo. (In My Opinion)

When MIL cries to Hubby that you are trying to keep her out of the baby's life... While you're still pregnant. 

 When you are called selfish for wanting a birthing experience that is not in alignment with your MIL wants. 

On top of which you have to listen to a rant that all of her friends got to do A. B and C and she just wants to part of the experience that her friends/other family members got to do.

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