Tuesday, September 3, 2013

I guess it's a Pity Party for me.

I'm in bed next to DF and all I want to do is cry. I feel so lonely. I just want him to hold me and he doesn't want to be touched:-( I feel like a failure at life for losing my job. I'm pretty sure I'm depressed and too embarrassed to tell any one but Internet strangers. I really want to spend the weekend with just my DF and no one else :-/ I just want some intimacy... And a job. No ones gonna hire the girl who only has 74 days left of pregnancy :-( I'm ruining our lives. We're going to loose every thing.! Ahhhhh It literally feels like he doesn't like me anymore. "Like" sounds so immature but there is no other way to describe it. I know that he loves me. Just feels like he does things because he has to not because he wants to.

Like I've been hit by a Mac truck :-( my tummy is tight and so is my back and chest... Ugh it's soooo uncomfortable!

 That I really wish I could find a job. Seriously I'm crying over here because of some of the posts I have read recently. Damn it I just want to be able to provide for my family. I'm tired of feeling like a drain on every one. I just feel like such a failure. Ugh damn hormones amplifying the depressing mood I'm in.

I didn't get the experience of a baby shower with my first lo :-/ and it kinda broke my heart. But that was 2 years ago and I didn't know any one in the town I had just moved to... I've been here 2 years now made some friends but still feel kinda awkward about wanting to invite the few friends I've made to a baby shower... Because if I have one this go round I'll have to throw it my self. Is this OK to do or does it shout gimme gimme gimme. I really just want to be able to celebrate my new baby with my family and friends. But I'm so confused.

 As much as I wanted a baby shower I am not having one. With me just losing my job I just can't afford it and honestly I don't know any one here in Tennessee well enough to throw me one.
I have bought 90% of the things I need for LO second hand. Or had them given to me. I only need to buy a few more things over the next few months and I will have every thing I need. So far the only thing I am worried about is finding a bassinet or playpen with the bassinet insert. I live in a TINY 2 bedroom trailer and there is hardly enough room for the Items we do have.

Ugh Sigh yawn. I guess I still feel a little cheated out of that celebration that I have seen all of my friends have... Poor Pitiful me. *guess I needed a little pity party.*

No comments:

Feeling Defeated

In the last 4 days I have been emotionally beaten to a bloody pulp. Day one my DCS case worker called and informed me that she was taking ...