Sunday, October 20, 2013

Pedophilia In My family

I have an uncle (J) who was recently released from prison. He has NEVER been apart of my life the one memory I have of him is OK. He is a registered sex offender (ages 15-17) . He called my mom tonight to talk and she opened her damn mouth and told him what I felt was too much information.

  1.  The state I live in.
  2.  about my kids (that I have a daughter 2 and a son on the way)
  3. That I am engaged. (this upset me because he started asking her questions about my DF, asking if he was into drugs and so on.)

It made me very uncomfortable. When she hung up with him she then asked me what she should say if he asked about (2 cousins whom he molested when he was 13 they were between 3-6 I can't remember)... I told her she should tell him they are fine... Bean Dip? I explained that they might not want him to know about them or their lives... Ugh I then explained that I didn't want him knowing all the crap he now knows about me... I feel violated. Is that weird?

*eta* I know my mom was just excited but DAMN! When my mom gets excited she forgets to filter her damn yap! She just starts talking and doesn't freaking stop.

I should add some bg on my mom... She was molested from the age of 7 until she was 17. I do believe mostly (99%) by her Dad. She married my dad at 17 and that's when shit stopped for her. It took her many years to over come the bs she went through. She eventually forgave my grandpa. I have always had a
relationship with my grandpa, all though I have NEVER been alone with him. The relationship I have with my grandpa is not what you would call extremely close.. In fact we only ever saw him once a year or 2.

OK. So a little bg on Uncle. From what I am to understand he supposedly molested 2 female cousins when they were young and he 13. ( now I say supposedly because well my Aunt cousins mom (crazy) is a drama queen.) neither of my cousins claim to remember any of the molestation.

He was arrested for sex with a minor (15) and lewd acts in front of a minor.( he flashed a lady and there were kids near)

My OK memory..... He was released at one point and I went with a family friend to retrieve Uncle from the bus station. I was maybe 12. (Nothing happened I was safe with family friend). Well he lasted 3 days out of jail and got him self re-arrested. Sex with a minor (17).

Since then I have had NO contact or relationship with him at all. He was released a few days ago. When he called my mom they started talking about her life. She told him she was a grandma to a 2 year old little girl .. He auto knew it would be me. He guessed and she confirmed. He asked if I was married, she said no but then told him I was engaged. He asked if I did drugs she said no, and told him I refuse to even be friends with any one who does drugs.

This was the extent of her conversation with him. I called her and explained I was upset with her. Explained why. She apologized sincerely. (She mentioned to him all her kids are with her in TN. Forgot to mention how she told him my state).

She very rarely has my DD alone. All though this past week with all my pre term labor issues she has watched DD for me to rest. She is eight times out of ten great with my boundaries. I only have to tell her once to mind her manors so to speak, and she corrects herself.

My children will never be around either of these men. I don't want to have a relationship with either man. If I were to see either of them it would only be my grandfather. If I were to see him my children would not be out of my sight. (Which might I add is the only way we were ever allowed around my Grandpa, My Dad was always in the same room as us kids.)
I have explained to my mother that I am not OK with her talking to him about me at all. I also explained that if he should ask her response should be "we're fine Bean dip?"

My mom needs to be taught how to bean dip?.
She did not offer us up to her abuser. This is not at all how I see it. We saw my grandpa once every 2-3 years and for maybe an hour at the most. We were NEVER left alone or out of the sight of my Father the entire visit.
I would not say my mom is unsafe, I would however say that she is blind to the way other people view her world.
I know that as I type this out I may get flamed pretty bad. BUT I'm going to tell you any ways.
A few months ago in March, my parents took a trip to Florida. I loaned them my van because it has more room and is better on gas. I allowed them to take my DD with them to visit extended family. I had to work a very whacked out schedule that weekend so it worked out in my favor. *I lived with my parents at the time*
So off they went to visit family. From what I remember *baby brain takes a toll today* They visited my Dad's Mom, and my mom's cousins... and my grandpa.***I had no problem with this at the time because I was not here reading and I never until yesterday saw him as a pedo.***

((Allow me to explain a little further. I was thinking about how I had always seen my grandpa as just that my grandpa. Until yesterday when I first typed this all out. Yesterday it dawned upon me that I allowed my parents to take my 2 year old DD to FLORIDA while I stayed behind in TENNESSEE.. They took her 3 freaking states away to see my Pedophile grandpa.)) Allow me to just say that I had a panic attack when I realized I allowed them to do this with my freaking permission.))

My mom and I have talked quite a bit over the last two days. I explained to her that my view of the world has severely changed. I explained to her that she needed to understand and see things from my point of view to understand how why I got so upset with her. I explained that where she sees her brother I see a pedo. Where she sees her dad and I used to see my grandpa, now I see a pedo. We talked about other things for a while so as not to harp on the subject.  

When we touched on the subject again my Mom Sincerely apologized for not understanding at first. She also apologized for volunteering information to my Uncle, and that she would not do it again.

I feel like I am missing something in this post but I can not figure it out right now... So When I do I will post again...
Now that I am grown and see the world through my own eyes... I agree it was completely messed up. I also agree it makes my stomach twinge to know that BEFORE I was here and had my eyes opened... I allowed my Baby Girl to be that close to danger. 

We were allowed to give him a hug. No we did not sit in his lap at any time. The hugs were no longer than a quick pat on the back.

*eta* Our "Normal Meters" are broken.

Family friend was a 6ft something US Marine *very freaking scary btw*.

As for Grandpa popping up... My Mom explained to us ALL the time *like every freaking day until I was  17ish* about what Grandpa did and that he was not safe to be around alone EVER.

I know my Mom would turn them away. We actually discussed this exact scene. LOL I explained to her and she already knows...


*eta* My momma knows that if I say no the answer is no and if she breaks my rules shit gets UGLY. :-)

SO this morning at 6:30am I got a call that made me want to give up on all males in my life.
I found out that the only true Uncle I've ever known ruined any chance of ever being in my life again.
I was called and informed that he raped my 15 year old step cousin.
I am heart broken for her. I feel so horrible that she had to go through this at all.

I am emotionally drained and confused. All I can think is WTF.

  I have been around this one since I was little. This is  his first offense. He makes me sick. I'm heart broken and relieved at the same time. Heart broken that he did this, relieved that he will never have a chance to do it again.

Yes, all of the uncles and Aunts here are the children of Pedo GPA. In Fact I only have 1 Uncle (R) who Never offended. My children will never get to know him though because he hung himself. (I was told out of depression for things not related to pedo, I can't remember much I was 10ish.)

NO way in Hell will my children EVER be around these people. My mom knows they get NOTHING! If they ask questions they get the standard answer "they are fine".

Released Uncle (J) was 13 for his first offense (cousin) 19 for his second offense never charged (Aunt G), and then from what I understand he offended again (his age 19-25) His last offense was in 2001 making him 30.

My Cousin never sought help because she does not even remember any thing that happened to her she was extremely young like 4. She does not go around GPA, nor does she actively seek a relationship with him.
Aunt (A) HATES GPA. She blames any thing and every thing EVER gone wrong in her life on GPA, even when there is no relation to it or him at all. I consider myself CO from Aunt A for her own special brand of crazy.

I do realize that my mom's talking meant shit in keeping me safe, all it did was help her "heal" from her situations.

I spent 95% of yesterday pissed off for my Step Cousin. She has already been through so much in her life. This is not the first time she has had to deal with being raped. (She was in a different state when the first go round happened with someone she knew) This time (IDK what to call it) She knew my Uncle W and he used her already fragile state and need for affection against her.(((She is getting the help she needs, therapy and what ever else she may need or want)))

Just an FYI. I consider my self CO from Uncles (J) and (W), GPA, and Aunt A. 

Honestly there is so so so so much more I could post if I could remember at the moment. It is extremely hard for me to realize that ALL I knew, is FUCKED UP. That the people I grew up knowing were NOT safe at all. It seems to be a family curse on the men.

I am confused how to feel about any thing right now. I am overemotional and at this point can't stop crying. I have no clue why I am crying. I'm going to stop here for now and try to go back to sleep before my DD wakes up for the day.

 Beginning to feel like Pedophilia runs in my family

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