Monday, December 7, 2015

We aren't kids, This is OUR life 2015...

Quick BG on our last month( end Jan. Early Feb.)
We recently moved in to our own apartment have been here for just a month. In that time  *We have been sick for 3 weeks head and chest colds and I personally have bronchitis (first time ever). So Yeah there is laundry and general trash and the kids toys just laying about. We are still unpacking and getting organized all while working full time and dealing with sick littles.   Now on to my DH issue.
"general trash" meaning some used tissues and soda cans a fast food bag on the counter maybe a pizza box from lunch. There was food on the floor because "surprise I have 2 small children" and she came over right after lunch. I mean the food had just been finished clean up had not yet started.  
We are LC (low contact) with MIL because she is my BEC. DH invited her over 2/1/15 for a quick visit with our DD for her 4th Birthday. The visit went well in my opinion; with the exception of MIL making a CBF over my pet snake KA. A Ball Python about 2 1/2 to 3 ft long.
So FF to yesterday afternoon MIL called DH and proceeded to chastise DH about the condition of our living room and kitchen. *This woman never left the living room to see the rest of the house.* She told DH that if he wont clean up and take care of our kids and house then he needs to hire someone to do it for him. *ie Merry Maids* Because your kids don't deserve to live that way. She told him I didn't raise you to live like that. 
She then went on to tell him we needed to get rid of KA (snake) because he could get out and kill your kids. *MIL hates snakes and doesn't believe they should be pets she believes they should be killed.*
DH would like your help writing an e-mail to her telling her that he is not a child to be "punished" or "chastised" he is a grown man living and paying his own way. If our living situation bothers her so much then don't come over. Our pet choices are again none of her concern as she is not paying for the upkeep or care for said animals. DH feels disrespected as a father and man of his own home. He doesn't want to let this go with out being addressed as its NOT OK with him. 
He needs your help because my version of the e-mail is Fuck you you want it cleaner you pay for the damn maids... and STFU about MY PET.
If MIL were really offering to pay merry maids to come in and clean I would probably take her up on it because Damn it would be nice not to have to deal with all this shit after being down with bronchitis for the first time ever.  I have never had any thing worse than a cold or 1 day stomach virus.

Our situation has changed dramatically since my previous posts. DH and I are working daily to keep the house clean and picked up. The hardest part is all of our laundry that had had to be rewashed since our move. If she had said something back when our house was not CPS ready or even what I would have considered livable, I could understand it. BUT she didn't and if CPS were to show up in the next few days they would just tell me to get my laundry done. The little bit of trash that she has seen if from lunch that day and some soda cans, tissues, oh and the Chinese food bag from dinner the night before which was on the counter not in the trash.

My own mother actually said the same thing about MIL caring and it coming from a good place; BUT again if that were the case WHY didn't she speak up about the other place? This is what confuses me. My home is not unsanitary I do have boxes in my living room that need to be unpacked my laundry room is my kitchen so yeah there are clothes in there on the floor. lol
OK and Finally to address the snake issue one last time. He is apx 3ft long at the most. His cage is completely secure. His personality is extremely docile, so much so I allow my DD (4) to hold him with close supervision of coarse. When the feel of his skin doesn't make me want to vomit  I wear him around my neck to do my house hold chores and he just chills with me. (pregnancy sucks cause I miss holding him).
DH sent the message Nettie came up with to his mother. Her response was as follows.
* I am just trying to help you. You could go to jail and or the children could be taken away for the conditions they are living in. I deal with this stuff every day (MIL works for the county clerks office at the court house) and would be truly embarrassed to have to process the paperwork on you! If you go to jail for that I will not bond you out. I've told you how this works. If it happens its on you! Oh and BTW, if you go to jail.... the money STOPS.* (the money she is talking about I am guessing is the trust fund DH gets from his dead grandfather.)
DH has not responded to her. He is pissed off and did not want to respond with out a clear head. DH has decided he is done and is putting her in a TO for at the very least a year. 
DH is pissed off that she is still talking down to him. We talked about it some before I posted here and had to explain to him what exactly a TO, ELC, and CO were... I also told him that I won't make that decision for him but I damn sure will enforce it.
Honestly I think she is pissed he stood up to her. I believe she messaged my DH all of that bull shit as a scare tactic, which failed because I have been through the system and dealt with cps before. (as a child not a parent).
 The trust fund thing I think is because when ever we struggled before we always refused her money. I refused to to owe her any thing.  In my county if the cps gets involved they often times bring a cop for their own safety which in turn often causes reports of neglect. I know two personal friends who are what I would call neat freaks that are fighting it now due to a sink load of dirty dishes that's it. Seriously the cps worker hat showed up took close up pics of my friends sink and about an hour later cops showed up to take her children away.
I don't know about all of the stipulations the Trust comes with. There are a few and we do have to provide a budget as to what we spend it on. She couldn't be further from the trust than you all are. Hell she doesn't know how much he gets as far as I know, unless FIL (divorced but friendly) told her what he (FIL) gets.
IDK why she is bringing up CPS. She is the only person to bring up such concerns. CPS does not randomly inspect unless called of coarse. I agree it sounds like a threat and if they show up SHE will not be seeing my children again. EVER, I have informed DH of this fact and also told him that if he wants to continue a relationship with her that is up to him but our children and I are OUT.
So I was at work and had to leave because lo and behold CPS showed. Sweep my floors and pick up my laundry CPS said they will be back in a few hours. 
I NEVER post my bs on FB but this time I did. I am not ashamed. FUCK HER. I'll be back after they do the second walk through.
You call CPS on me... OK Do NOT under any circumstances contact me or attempt to see or have a relationship with my children. We are no longer any of your concern. Thank you for essentially cutting your self off from my family. Contacting my husband to gain access to my children will not help you. WE ARE DONE WITH YOU.
So our walk through was fine. The cps lady said that our house just needed a little sprucing up. She'll be back on Monday to see that our laundry is all done. Then she'll make a few more drop ins because the snake needs a new cage and to make sure we get unpacked and sorted because that was the main concern.
DH is in shut down mode because well FUCK it was his mother. He is at a loss as to how to feel
So I was talking with the father of the kids that were taken because of dirty dishes, and found out it was much worse than just dirty dishes. There was more to the story than what his Ex-Wife was telling.  Fucking up MIL's life. eh she's dead can't fuck up the dead. 

As far as the trust goes it is in the control of a company that DH's dead grandfather highly trusted. DH does need to call them on Monday for tax purposes he might as well talk to them about MIL. We do need to look into wills and living wills considering all the bs.
My fb post had not been commented on except by people who completely support every thing I have said.
MIL did post a meme that states " integrity demands that I do whats right even if its unpleasant and unpopular."
I don't think she believes DH or I will really keep our children away from her. She is sadly mistaken. If she really does escalate someone better pray I don't see her cause the crazy in me would break free. (maybe)
GPR in the state of TN she has no standing.

Jokes on them dh and i would go for my family first as they have always been more supportive
The bitch in me really really wants to respond with it was not a threat and since you seem to have chosen a side you can join her.
And my family just showed up to go do laundry and help DH clean while I die. (sick again)
All he has is what MIL has told him. They are divorced I've never met him he has never met me or our kids... oh and DH has him on an ITO. Sorry for my crappy spelling and grammar on the phone trying not to puke

*UPDATE* My house is spotless! Hee hee hee with the exception of my room. lol still have lots to unpack and I need shelves for that. <3I love love love my aunt and her kid and her crazy military raised roomie. lol DUDE they even swept and mopped the whole place.!  All my laundry is done! CPS eat your heart out.


ETA:: Very glad I have a doc appt today because Damn I'm spotting and having sharp searing pains in my back and tummy... Contraction like pains... UGH its too early little boy.

So far I'm dilated to 1 cm at 30 weeks. I am dehydrated and getting a steroid shot. 
Personally I believe its all the stress.
So I just woke up because DH let me sleep forever. I feel a little bad cause I know he has not gotten a good nights sleep in a few days.  I was told to drink more water even if it makes me want to puke. (gag)
CPS was a no show. My bug guy was a no show. but my house looks amazing!
DD (4) decided it would be ok to shake DS's (1) playpen while yelling wake up! She is now taking a late nap lol. Love the little Jerk. 
As far as FB MIL and FIL are deleted from mine but not DH which is ok with me cause I can keep tabs on the ass holes. DH is not a big poster but a big sharer lol. My FB is private lock down.
I need to find a way to stop giving this heifer head space.
UGH!!! April birthdays are coming up and so is Blot's birth. I know THE DEAD BITCH is going to try to do something, or show up. Already preparing to talk to my hospital about DS's birth and not wanting any one to be able to view my child.
On other news GREAT NEWS!
DH is now getting 100% benefits from the VA. On top of what Blessings Deceased Grandfather left him...With that and my paychecks putting our monthly income around 5 to 5.5 thousand a month!! We have a small nest egg started our bills are all paid. We have splurged some (a lot). Spoiled each other and our kids. Helped my family out in ways we could not before. Bought a much needed second car, and living room furniture. We are donating to my favorite christian radio station since I don't do church at the moment.  I feel so blessed.
I am so thankful for every thing we have been blessed with. Only thing left to do is go get married. Which will happen this month if I have any thing to say about it.
Ladies you are amazing and I thank you for ALL of your advice.

We are doing great work was killing me so I took two days off. I work in dispatch telling truck drivers where to go. I truly love my job the weather has made it so that we have had mandatory weekends. I have worked from the 9th of Feb. to the 6th of March with out a day off. I was so exhausted I told my boss point me if you have to but I will not be in this weekend. (granted the 200$ bonus was nice but not nice enough to miss my family again).
I have spent this Sat. sleeping a lot and then watching movies with DH and the kids. now I am wide awake and planning or day tomorrow. Cleaning the kitchen and living room starting a load of laundry and then grocery shopping with the whole family.
Head space man... Ugh Head space. I am getting closer and closer to my due date. I am working on planning out my delivery as n who will be there who will be called and who will watch my other monsters. So far I'm down to DH and my mother in the room. My amazing aunt watching the Monsters, and DH's ex- Stepmother. (explanation FIL and MIL divorced FIL remarried and the divorced again...FIL is a Cheater cheater pumpkin eater...)
I have already told DH and my family that FB is off limits about birth until I say so. No ONE is allowed to post about my little Blot with out my go ahead. The consequences are a 3 month time out for any one who fails to keep this rule. Which would really suck because I see my family at least once or twice every week or every other week.
I guess what my biggest worry is, is that some one will some how tell the dead that I've given birth. She will show up and I will have to deal with her directly post partum. I have no qualms being the HBIC of what I want and telling her to GTFO. DH is completely on my side.

Ugh I'm stressing out right now. My stomach is cramping. The DCS lady is coming sometime tomorrow/today. She showed up on Monday and freaked my DF out with threats of taking my children. AGAIN. And seriously who the fuck does their dishes as soon as they are done eating? This lady is pissing my pregnant hormonal momma bear self off. I want to tear her a new one. I am scheduled to have LO on the 7th. Doesn't look like we are going to make it. I feel either a complete CO or at least a years TO for every time the DCS chick shows up is in order for MIL. My special snowflake zombie unicorn is trying to stay alive... you all know because FAAAAAMILY. GAG!

Trying to calm down it ain't helping.

As far as I am concerned right now bitch is dead to me. I'm just waiting for the crazy to show up. Eta. I'm hurting because I swept the floors. So now I'm angrier. Just waiting for this DCS lady to show up and be gone. This is so incredibly inconvenient. I have things to do and she is holding up my whole day. What makes it worse is that if she doesn't show up my day is wasted. Ugh!

Warrant... no.. My sweet DH did not insist on one the first visit. So now we must open up every time this lady shows up. He didn't know and I won't fault him. This lady purposefully waits for me to be gone before she comes so she can intimidate DH. She knows she doesn't intimidate me. 

This chick waits well after 4 in the afternoon to show up and inspect. Usually after late lunch or dinner. Ugh.

Otherwise I feel better but I'm having contractions that are irregular damn can't spell.

I have not thought about the supervisor but I might do that soon. Maybe. Depends on the appt today. Going to post a sign on our door that says unless you called ahead and got permission to come over go away. Don't knock just go away. Eta. Going to look in to the regs for our county. Good idea wish I thought of it.

Patiently waiting for 430 am on the 7th to get here already... ugh I'm so over being pregnant. It hurts to do anything. My damn lady bits feel swollen and tender. Ahhhh

I'm freaking myself out. The 7th is my induction... 2 days away... I'm over thinking the pain I'm going to be in.

I had an epidural with my last child and it stopped working about half way through. I felt every thing and I do not do well with vaginal pain at all.

I hope so. I think I'm scaring myself. I need to calm down and chill out. I know I can do this.

20 hours until hospital time... ugh I really can't wait.

I'm being induced. I want meds. I'm just a big wimp. 

I had an epi with my DD and it worked great. With DS it started out working but then it stopped. The anesthesiologist pumped 3 needles full of meds in me and nothing worked. 

I felt every thing and freaked out a little after because all I wanted was my baby.

DH and I are on the same page as far as his family goes.. I'm not worried about any one just showing up. His mother has a surgery on the 8th in a different hospital. I don't think she will feel up to barging in. Not to mention DH knows I get final say. He tells me constantly that his presents is optional. lol I tell him no its mandatory! lol

This is round 3 for me 1 amazing medicated DD, 1 amazing start and screaming painfully happy ending DS... ha ha ha and we'll see with this one.

8 more hours...

7 hours... before I have to be at the hospital... watching criminal minds and cleaning while DH catches a nap.

Sitting at hospital. Got my iv pitocin and now waiting for epi....

Feeling AWESOME epi is working Had my sweet boy and he is healthy as an ox! 

Oh my goodness thank God for loratab! My back is the only pain I'm having... it took an hour to get the epi right... kept hitting bone. But was the best delivery ever! No vaginal pain no cramps... I could have kissed the anesthesiologist.

DH is in full agreement of a CO for myself and the kids. He is personally not ready for a full Co for himself, but he has started a TO for his mother and father. 

And I am so posting both of those memes. But I won't tag DH in them... I will vague book because honestly I have CO some of my own family and agree with them...

So how do I explain to DH that I won't let our DS play on a bike I didn't get to give him. That the bike just makes me want to cry over the fact that his mother stole my baby boy's first birthday from me. I need to get rid of it... but I also need DH to understand why I need to get rid of it

As I start this it is 11:43 pm cst. I'm hot icky and just want a shower.

My house is too clean for my liking... it doesn't look lived in except for the clean laundry I have not away yet. 

I have CPS coming to inspect the house tomorrow as well as a doctor appt to determine if I can go back to work. 

I'll post more in a bit looks like I get my shower.

I have told DH just not in so many words. I would rather give it away than sell it. My kids get their first bikes at age 3 when they are more likely to understand how they work. It is my own little tradition that she tried to take from me. DS is 18 mo.

So in other news I'm ok to go back to work on Monday! Yay! It's time! We have already used what little we had in savings on things we didn't realize we really needed, so I need to get back to work and put some money in the bank. 

Any one good with coming up with a budget? I would love to take a look at our spending and do it better. 

Still haven't heard from MIL. I'm just waiting on that one. She did post a your mother never told you pic. Ugh just keeping track. 

DCS lady never showed up today. Ha figured... Oh well my house is clean and now lived in ha ha ha. I could even post pics cause I took them. 

So I really want to put our goals into a realistic.... um can't think of the word... like doable.

We want to save money every month.
Prepare for another house move.
Find a 3 bedroom in our new price range... once we figure out what that is...

In other news I'm feeling a little more confident nursing in public. Wiped it out at the doc today in the full waiting room.


Got all my bills figured out and also figured out where all our $$ went Last month. Hee hee it's all my fault. I'll own it. Fast food. Because DH can't cook and I don't think I cooked all month... oops what ever. Lol 

I am hoping now that I've got all my bills laid out and a plan in place we will have our savings back up in no time. 

Especially with the amount of $$ I am showing we will have left over.

So FIL sent DH a message via email... 
FYI mil denied and still does deny that she called DCS. 

I don't even know where to start, but here goes. Over the last few years, I've watched you distance yourself further and further from your family. Like it or not, there are people who took care of you, made sure you had a roof over your head, and made sure you had a good life. You were given opportunities for an education, taken on nice vacations, had the latest electronic gadgets, and shown love.

For reasons that I cannot understand, I know that I've been vilified by you to other people. That you were mistreated somehow. That you were in such a bad situation that you have PTSD or something. You know in your heart that none of that is true. People who loved you have tried to help you, and you ignore any advice from them. I all but begged you to go see Jim. I told you he wasn't doing well, and you chose to break his heart, even after all he did for you throughout your life. I'm sure you justified it to yourself because he didn't want to meet your girlfriend. What you don't seem to understand, is that she would have just upset him. He didn't know her. You chose to make babies with a woman that you had never even introduced to anyone. He needed to see YOU. He was die-ing .You let her rant to you (I'm sure) about what an ass he was for that, and you took her side, because you won't think for yourself.

Now, you're posting vague threats on Facebook about people threatening your "family". Nobody is, so where is that even coming from? Is it because of child services being contacted? That is not on anyone but y'all. You know that your mother didn't want to have to do that. She felt like she had no choice. The kids are helpless, and since nobody else was ever around, she was OBLIGATED to make a call on their behalf. Now your mom has to live with the fact that you have cut her from your life, just like you did to me.

One day I hope that you realize the pain you and your girlfriend/wife/baby momma has caused your family. Before someone else dies in your family, maybe you should mend some fences. I know if I was in your shoes, I sure would. Just think how you would feel if one of your kids did to you what you have done. 

                                        Sincerely, FIL

So we have not responded to FIL as of yet... This comment was left on the post about 2 divorces... 

If this was directed towards me, just get your facts right. Your beloved step mom decided to screw your dads best I'm not taking the rap on this. I'm just tired of the beating around the bush on stuff. If you have a question, instead of airing it on Facebook, you should maybe talk to someone for actual facts.

What a dick knuckle. Comment deleted

So the job search has been lengthy and tiring. I have been in to several interviews none panning out. I started with jobs I most wanted and worked my way down. I recently received a job offer from Kroger to work in their fuel center for 7.45 an hour for part time. I have filled out all the required paperwork and am waiting for my orientation phone call. 
While waiting I just received a call about a job doing similar work to that of Ceva ( job I recently quit). I am slightly excited and I spoke with the woman for almost 30 minutes about the job and pay.(double what kroger is offering) for full time. This job would be so much better for us financially considering all of the help we have given my family recently.
We also need this job to get some of DH's medical debt taken care of so that come taxes next year we can move forward with house hunting. DH has been pre approved for enough money to buy a small house. This is exciting as this means we could OWN our first home together.  
I am going to talk to DH seriously about finalizing the marriage stuff, and moving on with DD adoption so that we can also move on with the dependents paperwork for the VA. 
There is so very much going on and I am feeling very overwhelmed. 

I'm gonna say MIL has dropped the rope, but FIL is still being the demanding asshole he always has been. texted DH this morning about 10:30 am cst

FIL:"you need to call your mother. Imagine one of your kids treating you how you treat your parents."
DH has been the black hole. I kinda want to respond because I am feeling bitchy. In the end I am leaving it up to DH to deal with his assholes. 

Hypothetical response:::
FODIAF you confirmed she called DCS your both CO. Hellish Holidays! 
Why? (R&R) for every answer till he quits texting. 

Ugh you all have no idea how I wish I could send them both FOAD messages, but I am trying not to emote for DH or handle his family. 
Speaking of handling family... Comical noms from my thanksgiving. 
I poped my son on the hand and my father put his hands out to comfort him and I Yelled at my Dad "NO! YOU DON'T!" You do not get to comfort him after I punished him! 
I have never laughed so hard in my life! My Dad dropped his hands so quick and instantly looked like a naughty child! oh my goodness, it was so funny.


How ... How do I tell them I am lonely ?  I don't Feel needed. I Just Want his attention. I want to feel Loved by him. I want to feel important to him.
I don't feel like he cares about me... I just want to hear him say I love you without my saying it first all the time.
It hurts when I try to talk or hang out with him and he ignores me.
Am I pretty enough for him? Does he think I'm beautiful?
My heart hurts because... I don't think I am...

I don't feel like he is attracted to me any more. 

It is my fault for being lazy, it is my fault I have gotten fat, It is my fault for hiding in my room because I am ashamed. 

I am ashamed of how I look, and I am ashamed of my house keeping. 

What is it that I am worth? 

I love him and our kids so much , but what do I bring to the table?

Does he still want to marry me ? 

Feeling Defeated

In the last 4 days I have been emotionally beaten to a bloody pulp. Day one my DCS case worker called and informed me that she was taking ...